Fatal Beating

Happy New Year

I know that New Years day was nearly two weeks ago, but better late than never.

I can remember my pastor asking me if I knew what the most religious day of the year was? At the time I thought it was a no brainer, has to be Christmas, possibly Thanksgiving. He said no, the most religious time of year is New Years day. Even the pagans become religious with there resolutions for the New Year. Well since then I have had a completely new outlook on new years and religious resolutions and have pretty much written them off.

It is interesting though, how the New Year has changed many things for my family. Probably the biggest change has been a new resolution to get on with life. It doesn't mean that the grieving has stopped, it just means that the grieving is no longer stopping life. Slowly, little by little we are finding that new normal.

Our Need for ‘Symbiotic Accountability’

By Kenny Luck

Spiritual independence is an oxymoron. The key word here is moron.

"My relationship with God is personal," is a common refrain. I hear this from men who either don't have the spine to accept responsibility or to admit a fault—or both. As a men's pastor, it is the verbal equivalent of a skunk facing south with its tail raised. It's code for, "Get out of my space or else." There are lots of reasons why men respond this way.

Shame, selfishness, ignorance, wounds and defects produced by a sinful nature are the major culprits. But for the man who has experienced the slimy pits of self sufficiency, been broken by his sin, been awakened by grace and tasted God's goodness, this reaction is more than counterproductive. It invites God's discipline. God's man is designed to live interdependently with another brother.

This accountability is a locking of arms that grows stronger over time. The myth is that deep spiritual maturity should require less accountability over time. It certainly sounds good. But any pastor would probably tell you the opposite is true.

This "symbiotic accountability" is highlighted in Paul's exhortation to the Thessalonian church. Reconnaissance by Paul's protégé Timothy showed good spiritual progress, and his reports were off the charts.

Their report card according to 1 Thessalonians 3:6-9 was FAITH: A+, LOVE: A+ and COMMITMENT: A+. What do you say to disciples like this? Listen closely to how Paul manages the news and responds to the men in Thessalonica who may have been feeling like they had the Jesus thing down.

"Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told and warned you" (1 Thessalonians 4:1-6, NIV).

Red alert! Warning! Personal space being invaded!

The message from Paul to the men of Thessalonica was unmistakable: "I affirm you and your progress to this point"; "I am not letting you stay comfortable"; "I am focused on the next area of spiritual integrity"; "I am in your spiritual life to stretch you"; "I am going to invade your space in Jesus' name"; "I am asking and urging you to keep stretching spiritually"; "I see an area you need to work on—keep your togas down"; "I am going to call it like I see it"; and "I do not need an invitation or a crisis to speak up."

If I were a Thessalonian believer, I might push back and get in Paul's face. "What authority do you have to get into my business? Isn't that between me and the Lord?" Paul knows this and that is why he says, "I ask you, I urge you 'in the Lord Jesus … by the authority of the Lord Jesus.' " In other words, he's saying, "In the Lord Jesus, your business is my business and my business is your business."

Brother to brother, believer to believer, we are deputized by Jesus and given the authority in Him to firmly and gently encourage a brother to line his life up with his identity and responsibility as God's man. It's not about the messenger, his character or even his delivery. It's about who he represents, the truthfulness of his observation and his faithfulness to God's purpose for the relationship.

What's actually at stake if you don't enter into that kind of spiritual relationship with another man or two? The less accountable God's men are, the sicker that body becomes because it has unchecked cancers of character growing.

The more accountable we are as God's men, the healthier we are as individuals and, consequently, the healthier our body of believers becomes. That's why more of God's men need to have a Jonathan and David moment.

One God's man simply commits the following to the other: "The Lord is witness between you and me" (1 Samuel 20:42, NIV). In other words, we are each other's spiritual space invaders, and we won't let each other fail spiritually.

Kenny Luck is a men’s pastor at Rick Warren's Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif., and founder and president of Every Man Ministries, an organization that helps churches worldwide develop and grow healthy men's communities. He is the author or co-author of 16 books, including Risk (WaterBrook Press). Learn more at www.everymanministries.com.

Will they ever get it?

I ponder often about a situation that came up in our church body. Without getting into the details, it was a situation where two people had gotten up to their eyeballs in sin. And though the church offered and did what they could to help them see their sin and get out of it, the sin itself blinded them. And rather than see the error of their ways, they decided to take offence and walk away.

This reminds me of a situation where a brother pointed out some sin in my life. Because I knew that the sin was sin, I could say nothing about it. So I did what any rebellious Christian would do, I decided to take offence to the way that he approached me, and I severed my relationship with him. Well that festered under the surface and produced all kinds of grossness in my life. The day I repented in tears to him was the day I was really set free.

I have never been in a church where somebody would actually be asked to leave. Would I be able to love somebody that much that I would be willing to face rejection myself so that this person might somehow be set free from their sin? I know that the natural me would want to smooth things over, make excuses for them and just say that the love of Jesus is enough. What kind of love is that?

The situation brought out issues that I have with people involved, and how I need to forgive even though there is no repentance only selfishness. My heart aches for the people that got hurt in the process, for them there can be no repentance that could ever heal their pain.

So will they ever get it? I hope so, otherwise we will be just one of the many obstacles they view in their rear view mirror of life. As they careen from place to place hoping that somehow the next church may have the answer as to how stop the hurt of a life of sin and a lack of repentance.

Auto Pilot

Have you ever seen the movie "Click" with Adam Sandler? This movie was one that we expected little from, but enjoyed a lot. In the movie the main character gets a remote control that allows him to fast forward his life, or skip to other chapters. When he skips a chapter he is not actually conscious and goes into "auto pilot" where he is there, but not really there. He gets the stuff done that he needs to but life just takes him along and he is not really a part of it.
It is amazing how this example really sums up how I am feeling right now. I am just rushing along on the wings of life and yet somehow, it feels like life is passing me by.
Is this how I am coping with the grief of losing my son? A good part of me is hoping so and therefore I am doing little to stop it. But there is a part of me that tells me it is wrong and that I have got to snap out of it.
At first it felt good to have the busyness of getting the basement finished, as it helped me to get my mind off of Caleb and the hurt I was feeling, but now I am seeing it as an escape and a way not to deal with things.
Of course as Christmas approached work became busier and busier, then we ourselves got into the "routine" of rushing around to the different homes. And now that everything is over I find myself bitter.
I am angry that I only had a week after Caleb passed before having to go back to work . I am resentful that our contractor needed to be done our basement before Dec 15th, leaving a load of work for me and no time to grieve. I am frustrated how differently my wife and I are dealing with grieving and how we never seem to be able to see eye to eye. I am upset that it seems I have no time to deal with the loss of my son and that I feel so distant from God.
In many ways it feels like nobody cares about my grieving process, I am just expected to go back to normal life.
Well, sorry for pooping all over you, just venting.

Life Continues

As much as I wish I could crawl into a small hole somewhere and hibernate, life continues and things need to get done. After Caleb's passing all of my motivation for finishing our basement was gone, I didn't even want to look at it. But our contractor wanted to get it done before he shut down for Christmas vacation on the 15th of December.
So I was faced with one of two options, either wait until sometime in late January or February to continue, or get my grieving but in gear and get it done. Our baby is coming late February or March and I did not want to be doing insulation, drywall, paint ect with a new born in the house so we started work again.



Insulation and vapor barrier



Our bedroom all insulated



Ryan, my most faithful helper



Bedroom drywalled and mudded



The bathroom and bathtub Sarah has been longing to use



The box of screws I have accidentally dumped at least a dozen times

Since Friday I have had many friends and family help me, and many late nights. There is no way this ever could have gotten to this point without their help and I am so thankful. It really is overwhelming when people go out of their way to help you by rolling up their sleeves and getting their hands dirty.

Not Sure What To Say

Grieving is strange, it don't really understand it. The week after Caleb passed I was doing well, I was okay with what happened and generally happy that Caleb had been released from his broken body into his new heavenly body. Life carried on and I went back to work. Since then I have hurt more than ever. My grief is taking the form of anger inside me. I am not outright mad at anybody or even God, I am just mad. It doesn't seem fair that life should just go on, my son just died. Because I don't like anger I tend to just numb out and numbness is not good for me or anybody around me.
Today was one of the first days that I felt a little normal. I am embarking on a new project at work, my family is finally recovering from the sickness that swept through, and I see a need to commune with God which I have been generally avoiding for the last while. Please pray for us and we figure out what normal is and try and get back to a routine.

Funeral

Caleb went to be with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ yesterday morning at 6:30am. Even though his condition seemed stable, he was not improving and it would seem that he was just tired of fighting.
I am so thankful that he now has a new body, and for the first time he is able to talk and walk.
Caleb's life celebration will be Wednesday November 1, 2pm at Hope Fellowship Church. All are welcome.

Caleb

Caleb went into the hospital Monday which has really thrown us for a tizzy.
He has a really bad pneumonia in both his lungs and possibly in his blood.
We are going through a roller coaster of emotions as the doctors will tell
us that he might not make it, then they tell us that he may pull through.
The fact of the matter is that only God knows as this point.

Our breif moment of encouragement came yesterday in the form of Caleb opening his eyes and looking around for about 15 minutes or so. He got to see all of his family and extended family and made us all smile.

We are spending the majority of our time at the hospital and other kids are completely out a whack from the hospital visits and sleep overs at relatives and church family.

Last night as Caleb's blood\oxygen saturation levels continue to drop to an all time low, the doctors took us aside for the second time and told us to make sure to say our goodbye's to Caleb. We had intended to stay the night just in case he passed in the night, but by 10 o'clock, his levels were back up to normal.

Please pray for Caleb, the kids and us as we are struggling through this time. I hope to have some

Home Owners

As of 12pm, October 6th it is official.

Basement Renovations Update 2

A couple more pictures now that work has started


Baby's room


Our room before the windows


The bathroom




The windows installed and what used to be our beatiful front yard, now destroyed :(


The bedrooms with the new windows

Basement Renovations Update

Here are the "before" photos of what the basement looked like before any construction. The coffee colored walls are the ones that used to be our bedroom, which will be the new baby;s room. The room with the lumber is what will be our family room, the room with the exercise machine will be our bedroom. And last and least is the laundry room.

Pictures From PCCC

The are the pictures from the cheque presentation ceremony at Superstore. The van you see in the background is our new van. It was an incredible day and overwhelming in a lot of ways as we did not know what to expect.

When we pulled up there were approximatley 30 employees, as well as the store manager and district manager standing in front of the store ready to welcome us. You could tell that these employees really took ownership of the Children's Charity. They were very curious to see who would be receiving the fruit of their labors. It was a great day!

Do You Love Your Sin?

At first, you might say "love my sin? of course not", but you need to ask yourself
some questions that will help you determine this.

Do you protect your sin?

-Do you make sure that you are not discovered in your sin by hiding it, or
by lying to others (and ultimately yourself) about the severity of it?
-Do you make plans to sin, and rearrange your life to accommodate it?

Do you really view your sin as something that is hateful to God?

-Do you make excuses in your mind about how other people struggle with worse sin?
-Do you continue in your sin because you think that you can ask for forgiveness after you have had enjoyed your sin?
-Has your heart become hard towards your sin and you no longer fear the
consequences?

Do you blame circumstances or others for your sin?

-Do you tell yourself that if event "x" hadn't happened in your life that you
would no longer have these problems?
-Do you feel that if other people just kept you more accountable that you
might stop?
-Are you hoping that someone will come along and lead you out of your sin?

Are you waiting for something really bad to happen so that it will help you
stop?

We have to realize that we have a love\hate relationship with habitual sin. Most people that do not have Christ would not view our "struggle" as sin, and sometimes we use that to justify it. But with Christ in us, we have a new standard, a higher calling for purity.

Our God is a jealous God, and He wants none before him. All habitual sin is like an idol to our flesh, and a spit in the eye of God.

When the world sees the church struggling with habitual sin, divorce, adultery, ect. we are telling the world that we are the same as you, we have no life changing power inside of us, no power to overcome what we know is wrong.

God needs us to be pure so that we can hear and obey

You may need to read that again just so that it can sink in. Habitual sin covers our ears so that we can't hear that "one small voice" in our spirit when He is speaking to us. Be it a hurting wife, child or coworker. He wants us to be able to hear so that when he tells us that someone is hurting, we can go to him or her and be Jesus in the flesh. This is where the obedience comes in.

When I am free of my habitual sin, then I will be able to act upon what God speaks to me.
When I am in bondage the accuser has legal access to taunt me, and when God calls me to do something, all I can hear is how wretched I am because I am still struggling with this sin over me.

If you are struggling with some habitual sin, please do not read this and let condemnation come over you. My prayer is that you would hear that the God of the entire universe has the power to lead you out of your sin even more power to be His hands and feet in this world.

Name Game

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:
(your first pet and the street that you live on)
Baby Whelan

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favourite candy)
Ernie Twix

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)
J-Wil

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favourite colour, favourite animal)
Red Dog

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
William Saskatoon

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name)
Waljoro

7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("the", your favourite colour, favourite drink)
The Red Pepsi

8. NASCAR NAME: (the firstname of both your grandfathers)
Steve Ernie

9. FUTURISTIC NAME: (the name of your favourite perfume/cologne and the name of your favourite shoes)
Tommy Cat

10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother/father's middle name and the next name you hear on the tv/radio/talk)
Steve Caleb

Counting My Blessings

I am not really sure what God is up to, but all I can say is wow! I am in awe of everything my father is doing, and I am really starting to wonder what I have done to deserve this? The answer is so simple though, nothing! God never blesses because of what we have done, but because of who He is. Here is a list of what God has done since I closed my business almost exactly one year ago today.

• A close and loving, trust filled, romantic relationship with my wife
• Kids that are showing the fruit of the Holy Spirit alive in them
• A baby (another arrow for my quiver)
• Financial provision
• A new job (that I really enjoy)
• Confidence
• New neighbors (my brother and sister-in-law)
• A home for my family
• Hope
• A new nephew
• A new found enjoyment of home repairs
• A better relationship with my parents
• Provision for two new bedrooms, a bathroom and living room (basement renovations)

I am starting to feel like my life is a road map to God. Everything I have listed has a story behind it and I can show you how God's fingerprints were all over how these things. The most recent addition to the list happened today, we got a phone call from President's Choice Children's Charity and...........we got the funding for our van! Wow! And just to show off, the day we are to receive the funding is the same day we take possession of our house. Wow, praise God!
I am still in shock; I have never seen the hand of God like this in my life. And honestly it really makes me look at my life and ask what I have done for him?
It also reminds me of how I have put my earthly fathers face on my God. Growing up I always felt like my father didn't want good things for me. As such I have had a hard time when praying to ask for earthly things because I felt like He didn't care about anything that wasn't spiritual or about saving souls.

Thank God that He doesn't fit into our boxes!

Praise God!!

This is why I Blog, helps me not to forget where I came from. This post is dated July 2005, wow!

Quiz

Okay, I am giving into the peer pressure and doing one of these quizes. I actually thought it was quite fun when I did it on my sis-in-laws blog. Click here to see if you really know me.

Handy Man

Well, I have got to say I am starting to feel like a bonified handy man. It is really quite amazing what becoming a homeowner will do for a person. The offer has been accepted, the mortgage papers have been signed and I am feeling like a homeowner, weird.

I have rented ever since I moved out of my parents home. As a spoiled rich kid growing up I never really respected the homes I lived in as a kid or really appreciated what it took to maintain and upkeep a home. The same has applied for each of the four rentals we have since we were married.
In fact, it has only been since in these last couple months that I have realized the complete disrespect I have had for the rentals we have had, sad really.

In the four years we have lived in our current home I haven't done much to change the house. The first project would have been painting the girls room (a delicate purple) , which my wife had to prod me along to do. The second project was taping, mudding and painting two walls in our basement (which would eventually become our bedroom). Even those jobs were within the last year and a half.

Earlier this summer was when we first started to think that it might actually be possible to become homeowners. You have to understand where I came from to understand why this seemed like such an impossible dream.

Almost exactly one year ago I closed my business, which really was supposed to be my families future. Five years I worked away at it hoping that this was going to be the year things turned around and the money would start flowing. The only thing that I really accomplished was to get the business to a point that it could sustain itself, but that was only happened in the final two years. The first three years I racked up such a huge debt that that getting the business to sustain itself was really only one step forward when I had already traveled back a hundred. At the time, closing the doors looked like it would be the start of a many year journey just to get back to where I started.

When I look back on the whole thing now and see the huge blessings that God has brought us, it is easy to see all the signs that God kept showing me that it was time to close the doors. I now know it was my pride, laziness and my lack of courage that kept me in chains, when I thought I was in freedom.

In the last year God has brought prosperity to my family, and for the first time I see a bright financial future for my family. God has also given me a confidence that I have never had. A confidence that I am worth a decent wage as I have skills that are valuable to a employer, and a confidence that because of the way God wired me I can fix, build and create.

Earlier this summer we refinished our deck, a couple days ago I repaired and repainted a wall in our kitchen, yesterday I painted a bench for our kitchen. Today I installed a portable dishwasher into our kitchen cupboards, did the plumbing and everything. I never would have considered doing any of these things before becoming a homeowner.

Basement will start soon.

The Stingy Rich

A recent government study proves my point: those earning less than $10,000 give 5.5 percent of their income to charitable causes. Those earning over $500,000 give less than 3 percent.

I thought this to be very interesting, and very true. If I tithe 10% of a thousand, it is only $100. I don't think about it and it silently slips out of my bank account with little notice.

Change the numbers a bit and lets say God decides to bless with a heftier sum, maybe $6000. 10% of that is now $600 dollars. That only leaves me with $5400, and I find myself justifying out the wazoo why this money was not something that I need to tithe on.

That greed must look so ugly to God, as he usually blesses us with finances to bless others and I have trouble letting go only 10% of the whole.