Thursday, July 07, 2005

Society Status

I am left in a situation I am unsure of how to deal with. I am disatisfied. I am disatisfied with my life. I have a beautiful wife, 4 awesome kids, my own company, why would I be disatisfied?? It is because I feel like I am not going anywhere. I am 5 years into a company that would qualify as a non-profit organization (actually non-profit organizations make more money than I do), I cannot provide for my family and I can't seem to get any self discipline in my life.
And for what?? A lack of vision. There can be no provision without vision. I am constantly asking God "why are you not providing for me?" and he keeps on saying "becuase you haven't asked".
Much of this is coming from the fact that I am going to be 30 pretty soon. I have always looked at 30 as being old and being the marker in my life where I would have certain things established such as a stable income and owning a home. I am many years away from either.
I struggle with trying to figure out if this is coming from my flesh or from God. Would I be satisfied if God said to me:



"I am going to provide for your basics only. You will have money, but just enough to get by. I will continue to bless your company with awesome customers but only enough to keep the doors open. I will give you a house to live in but it will never be yours."

Could I live with that?? I see many people that I look up to and God has blessed them financially, he has give them there own home and money to spare at then end of month. Why not me?? Are these not good Godly desires to be successful here on earth?

But then He says to me:

"Would you be satisfied with just me? What if I told you I will never give you what you desire.
But,
I will bless your marriage that it will be a light to others.
I will make your children strong pillars of the faith and arrows to fill your quiver.
I will make you a man of faith and you will know me the desires of my heart and bring my sheep home.
I will impart upon you a wisdom that will confuse the wise and a heart of love for those whom I love.
I will ask you to go and you will go and I will ask because I know that you will listen ".
This is what I desire for you."

Get my eyes off of what I don't have an get focused on He who has is all. The real bread of life.

3 comments:

Trail Rider said...

I liked how Carol expressed her heart on her blog, "torn apart" It speaks of how God wants us to lay it all down, dreams and all. Seek first his kingdom and then He will add. I think we need to do that....together...

Being dissatisfied is a good spot to be in. We are where God wants us.
May I be your helper in this season for you
oxox

Nin said...

What you just posted, sounds like a pretty awesome vision to me.

James said...

I just stumbled on this blog, and felt compelled to leave a quote that has helped me greatly over the past few months.

One day, Mother Theresa was being questioned about her work with the poor.

Reporter: "Has the condition of the world improved since you have been here, dedicating your life to the poor?"

MT: "Oh no. It has gotten worse."

Reporter: "Then why do you do it? What is the point?"

MT: "I do it because God does not ask us to be successful. He tells us to be faithful."

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