Friday, December 23, 2005

Work Schedule & Mens Retreat

What an adjustment this Christmas is going to be. I am used to having a week or more off during the Christmas season but that isn’t happening this year. I know I get Christmas day off, and New Years day but that is all, other than my regular two days off out of seven.

I guess God knew what He was doing because we have been released from all family activities which is super strange. Typically we are running from here to there having to go to six different places. This year we are going to go to church and then come home and relax.

I was tested a bit this week as another job opportunity arose. Options are good and I looked into it but it really seems that God has me where He wants me. I have had the chance to share the gospel with a couple co-workers and the other night I got to share my testimony. He is definitely strengthening my boldness and bringing people into my path. Exciting stuff.

The picture you see here is something I whipped up for the upcoming men’s retreat. For anybody interested we will be having our retreat this February 24-26 at Camp Oshkidee, this year we are opening it up to any man who wants to join us. Each year God has been calling us closer and closer to each other and to Him, this year will be no different. I am expecting God to do some amazing stuff in the live of us men. In my archives I have described what happened to me at the last men’s retreat, you can find that here.
Little did I know at that time what a difference receiving to Holy Spirit would make in my life and my day to day walk. I will be writting more on it as we come closer to that date.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005


Written by Rebecca St. James, Kerry Barlowe, Jamie Moore and Shaun Shankel

That's what I call You
I'm curious about You
I'm scared and not sure that You are safe
But Your eyes seem to say that You are good

This is not a dream that I'm living
This is just a world of Your own
You took me from all that I knew
Shown me how it feels to hope
With You with me, facing tomorrow together
I can learn to fly
Feels like I'm living in a lion's mouth, but the lion is (an angel)

Wise eyes, You see the core of me
Your gentleness melts me
And now I know that words cannot describe
The power that I feel when I'm with You

This is not a dream that I'm living
This is just a world of Your own
You took me from all that I knew
Shown me how it feels to hope
With You with me, facing tomorrow together
I can learn to fly
Feels like I'm living in a lion's mouth, but the lion is

Peace and power, love forever
Who am I to stand before You?
I am speechless
But in my weakness
You are here and all is well

You took me from all that I knew
Shown me how it feels to hope
With You with me, facing tomorrow together
I can learn to fly
Feels like I'm living in a lion's mouth, but the lion is (an angel)

This is not a dream that I'm living
This is just a world of Your own
You took me from all that I knew
Shown me how it feels to hope
With You with me, facing tomorrow together
I can learn to fly
Feels like I'm living in a lion's mouth, but the lion is (an angel)

is an angel

Rebecca on being a part of this soundtrack:
I was so excited and immediately passionate about being a part of this project simply because I’ve been so personally inspired by the Narnia adventures myself! Most kids at some stage read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and I was one of those. I’ve also read the book as an adult as well. I am really gripped by the power and the symbolism of the story. As a Christian it is awesome to recognize Biblical characters creatively worked into such a dramatic plot.

I can’t even remember not knowing about The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and all of the Narnia books. They become part of your life, they just grip you. From my childhood on, I think the imaginative and creative aspects of the story have really appealed to me.

When I was thinking about what to write about in my song, the character I was drawn to the most was Aslan. I wanted to write a song from the perspective of one of the children, and so I chose to see him through Lucy’s eyes. At one point of the song I’m singing, “Wise eyes you see the core of me/ your gentleness melts me.” That’s what fascinates me about Aslan - he’s so gentle but you respect him so much. There’s a line in the book that says, “Is he safe?” and the response is “No, he’s not safe but he’s good.” The last line in the chorus of my song is ‘Feels like I’m living in the lions’ mouth, but the lion is an angel’.

I love the song that we’ve had a chance to record for this piece. When I first heard about this whole idea of doing a song for the Narnia soundtrack, I was just thrilled because, to me, the whole concept is so inspiring. I have just been really jazzed to be a part of writing a song for this.

I love how the song feels. My producer Shaun Shankel did a great job of musically portraying the lyric. The first line of the song is “mysterious that’s what I call you.” And mysterious, that’s what I call this song. It really has an almost moody, ethereal sense to it. It’s very dramatic and it just draws you in.

When we were in the studio, Shaun and I had a unique way of testing the song to see if it was fitting the atmosphere of the movie. We would mute the sound and watch the trailer while playing our song. When we were getting goose bumps while watching the two played together, we knew that we were onto something!

It’s so exciting to me to be a part of such a powerful, moving epic project that has already done so well as a book. From the technology that they are using on this piece to the acting, to the cinematography - everything has been so beautifully done. To see such a commitment to excellence and then to be asked to be a part of the music has been thrilling.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Narnia Facts

Before J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter books took over, C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia topped the best-seller list of children's fantasy novels.

One of the actual Lewis family wardrobes is on display at the Marion E. Wade Center at Wheaton College in Illinois, along with Lewis' desk and other personal mementos. On the wardrobe door, there's a sign that reads, "Enter at your own risk. The Wade Center assumes no responsibility for persons who disappear or who are lost in this wardrobe."

The movie was filmed in New Zealand — just like Peter Jackson's movie adaptations of J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings series. In fact, Tolkien was a close friend of Lewis, but the two didn't like one another's fantasy worlds.

Adamson (Narnia director) and Jackson are close friends, and Adamson sought Jackson's advice. "The fear there was that my interpretation or imagination of the locations or situations was different from other people's," said Adamson. "I asked Peter, 'How much did you adapt LOTR?' And he said, 'We actually changed a fair amount. You can change stuff as long as you do a good job.' And that was really useful to know, because those movies were very well accepted by their fan base."

A script for Prince Caspian, the fourth Narnia book, has already been written, and producers are said to be waiting on release-weekend box-office results to give the production the official green light. Adamson, who once said he would not direct the Shrek sequel, isn't making such claims this time. "It's hard not to return," he says. "You tend to fall in love with the characters and the story, and, in this case, with the kids."

In the book, Father Christmas visits the children and equips them with weapons for there upcoming battle. He gives Lucy a potion for healing and a dagger, but says, ‘I do not intend you to use it because battles are ugly when women fight.’ Adamson thought that this was very disempowering to girls and decided to remove it from the movie.

The Chronicles of Narnia ruled its opening weekend at the box office by bringing in a whopping $65.6 million. This is nearly six times the amount brought in by the second biggest opener Syriana at $11.7 million.

"Aslan" is Turkish for "Lion."

Aslan is the only character to appear in all seven of the Chronicles.

All throughout elementary and high school, C.S. Lewis was a really bad mathematics student!! He favored subjects like classical music and mythology.

When Lewis was 16, the image of a faun carrying parcels and an umbrella in a snowy wood came to him. Many years later, the faun was joined by an evil witch and a magnificent lion --- this image and the three character's stories became THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE.

The character of Aslan, the Great Lion, originally came the book TALES FROM THE ARABIAN NIGHTS which C.S. Lewis used to read as a child.

The film was shot chronologically for many reasons, not the least of which was that it starred four growing kids. During filming, William Moseley (Peter) grew about 3 inches, Anna Popplewell (Susan) grew half an inch, Keynes skyrocketed 5 1/ 2 inches (plus a voice change), and Georgie Henley (Lucy) grew four inches.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

"I Believe" The Walk

This Sunday at Church our pastor led us in repeating "I believe, I believe, I believe". It is amazing how powerful those words are. In some ways these words are so simple. Its like "Hello, of course your believe, you have been a Christian for most of your life". But it is more than that, because to confess those words is one thing, to confess those words in front of a non-believer another. But to walk those words out so that you don't have to say a thing, people just know is some else all-together.
So what does it mean to walk out "I believe"?

1. I walk in truth
It is no coincidence that the belt of truth is the first piece of armor we called to put on (Eph 6). I know the truth and accept the Word for what is says at face value. "Therefore, if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come" (2 Cor 5:17). I hear this and I walk in truth. When I want to believe the lies of my past I turn 180 degrees and turn towards the light.

2. I rebuke the lies
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:7) Many people love to quote the last part of that verse but without the first it is incomplete and impossible. If you simply resist, you will only be trying on your own power, you must first submit!!!! Lay down your life, (your worries, your problems, your anger, your sin) and submit it all to the Lord.

3. I walk in family
I know I cannot walk this Christian road on my own; I need friends to journey with me. I need to be discipled and I need to be dicipling others. I love my Church family an I accept that they are not perfect just as they accept me and my faults. I know that I have been called to walk along side of them and have been called to help build a spotless bride.

4. I walk in submission
"Obey your leaders and submit to them; for they are keeping watch over your souls, as men who will have to give account. Let them do this joyfully, and not sadly, for that would be of no advantage to you" (Hebrews 13:17)
I love my Church and I submit myself to the leadership. I trust the Holy Spirit within them and have faith that they are passionately pursuing the heart of God whatever direction they take. I trust that they love me, and always have my best in mind. Even when at times the love they show is challenging and doesn't feel so good. I know that to better myself sometimes I need to hear about the sin in my life that I cannot see.

5. I walk in peace
"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body" (Col 3:15)
I know that I am called to be anxious for nothing, trusting in my heavenly father and His love for me. I am also called to be a peacemaker which means that I do not smooth things over, but confront them head on with boldness exposing lies for lies and sin for sin in the name of love. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God" (Matt 5:9)

Saturday, November 12, 2005


Quote "Sometime last week I was having trouble sleeping. It may have been something I ate, I am not sure but somewhere around 5am I had a vision that I would work at this business and in the vision I became the top sales person within 3 months."

This quote from my post I called "Hope" was written September 23rd, it was a promise that God gave me if I had the courage to close my business and walk out in faith into the unknown. Well if you have been following my posts you will see that I did indeed get that job and things have been going very well. I work in sales and have been really enjoying it.

Yesterday my boss called me into his office to "discuss" some things with me. My sales have really picked up the last couple weeks but I was pretty sure that this meeting was going to be a reprimand for some of the areas I have been struggling. Well I was partly correct, there are some concerns but only because I am the top grossing salesman in my department!!!!

Isn't God good. His promises are true and He is faithful to us. Just two weeks ago I was wondering how this promise would ever be fulfilled as it seems there are so many imperfections in me that hinder Him. But God is bigger!!! He is bigger than my imperfections and He will accomplish in me and through me what He wants beacuse He is God and I am not. All I need is a willing heart and to allow His rudder to steer me.

I am posting this only to boast of the goodness of God and not to spotlight my abilities, for I am nothing without Him. God has granted me this as a faith builder for myself but also to you. I implore you to seek Jesus for the promises He has for you in your life, the miracles He wants to make a reality. Then walk in obedience as He guides you through this adventure we call life.

As great as all this news is that I have shared I do not think this is the fulfillment of the promise and there is more to come. Gidee up!!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Birthday Wishes

This post was written the day of my birthday. It was too depressing to post it that day so I decided to save it for a couple days. But as I desire to post my thoughts both good and bad so you can see the real me I am posting it now.

What a day. There is something about my birthday that just makes me feel like I want to be recognized. Yes, today I turned the big 29 and next year at this time I will be 30 (I had better get working on that mid-life crisis). But something happens to me on my birthday that is just sick. All of a sudden I get this expectation that everybody is going to be wishing me happy birthday, buying me coffee and all that crap.
I am thinking that many of these expectations come from when I was a kid. My Mom did an awesome job of making me feel extra special on my birthday. And there is nothing wrong with that when you are a kid. Its just that it seems to have followed me into adulthood but the fact of the matter is is that nobody really cares anymore. I am adult and the fact of the matter is that I am getting older and closer to dying. Really, people should be feeling sorry for me.
On the surface you would never know anything is different, but deep down inside I had to keep from telling everybody I had contact with that it was my birthday.

"Hey Matt, how's it going? Nice tie, it's my birthday. Hey Jeff, good to see you buddy. It's my birthday, how are the wife and kids?"

I wanted all my co-workers to know, and I really don't know why. I guess what it really does is expose a need in me to be recognized and appreciated. I guess deep down I still want mans praise. But I only told two people the whole day.
So the day that was such a day to look forward to as a kid has now become generally one of the worst days of the year. It tends to be the day that everything goes wrong, my wife and I fight and I generally get depressed. Today was no different. And because I believe it will be a bad day I fulfill my own prophecy.
Obviously there is still much crap to be weeded out of my life. I wish I could go to be and sleep until it is over.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Matthew 8:9 For I am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to one, 'Go,' and he goes, and to another, 'Come,' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this,' and he does it." 10 When Jesus heard him, he marveled, and said to those who followed him, "Truly, I say to you, not even in Israel have I found such faith. 11 I tell you, many will come from east and west and sit at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, 12 while the sons of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness; there men will weep and gnash their teeth." 13 And to the centurion Jesus said, "Go; be it done for you as you have believed." And the servant was healed at that very moment.

I have been learning a lot about authority all over again as we go through the Transformations program again. To live productive Christian lives we need to be under authority. How many Christians have the "I can do it all myself" attitude. Jesus himself was a man under authority, so much so in fact that a Roman Centurion recognized this. Many times Jesus said I do not do my own will, but that of my father. As such Jesus's disciples were under authority to Jesus.
Authority is God's design and if we are not under it we are not walking in the true power of the Holy Spirit. So just what is authority? Well authority really is not walking under your own will. When I am walking under the authority of my leaders I am directly opening myself up to correction and leadership.
The best leaders are the best followers. Who are you to tell me what to do? Who are you to tell you what to do? This is just hitting home with me so much lately. I am finally starting to get my focus on making sure I submitting to the leadership above me and walking in discipleship relationships.
What is that key component that you are missing in your walk with the Lord? How many Christians do you know that are so wrapped up in there own little Christian world and all their petty little internal problems that there is no way they feel they could bring somebody to Christ. Let alone walk along a new Christian and disciple them.

Jesus's last commandment before He left this world was to go out and make disciples of all the world. This wasn't Jesus's suggestion, it was a commandment.

So what are you doing for God? Are you so focused on working on your issues and reading self-help books that discipling has never crossed your mind? Sorry for my bluntness here, but it is like trying to polish a turd, it will never happen. As soon as you conquer one issue, the fear of actually moving out of your comfort zone will force you to come up with a whole new issue that you will have to buy a whole new set of self-help books for.
Bring your life under the submission of your Godly leaders, and find some one to disciple you. Then start to disciple others. This is the way Jesus intended the Church to be. Lets stop going to church and start being the church.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Virus Warning

Important Virus Warning

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.


It will drink ALL your beer. FOR PETE'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?? It will leave dirty
underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.


And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. Send this warning to everyone!!!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Well, as you can see my blogging has dropped down to a minimum. I love blogging but lately it has seemed like I barely have time to breathe let alone blog.

Today was officially my third week at my new job, wow what a brain adjustment that has been.

Going from:
-being my own boss
-doing basically what I like when ever I want
-being able to run all my daily errands
-sitting at a desk or bench all day
-eating out every day


-being at the bottom of the ladder
-having to justify every moment of my work day
-having no time to do anything but the job at hand
-on my feet 8 hours, running from here to there
-bag lunches

I has taken some adjustment.

But......some of the cool things are:
-being a part of a team
-learning to submit to those who have been placed in a position of authority over me
-concentrating on one job, selling
-being able to develop relationships and influence co-workers
-bringing the Holy Spirit with me to work and letting the love of Christ shine through me

I have been lacking energy and am tired all the time, hopefully my body will adjust soon. Recently I have been feeling very dry spiritually, it has been hard to get up in the mornings and have my time with God. And on top of all of that I have not been spending time with my brothers and developing relationships.

Lord please help me through this time of transition, help me to be able to shine your love throughout my work. May all who see me know that there is something different about me. Help me to get up in the morning and spend my time with you, and fill me so that I am so full of your Spirit that I cannot help but overflow out of me. Help me to submit joyfully to those whom you have placed in authority over me and do the best job I possibly can.

Friday, September 23, 2005


Just give you guys a bit of an update as to what has been going on in the last while and why I have not been blogging.

It is official, Compass is closing September 30th.


Tomorrow (Saturday the 24th) I will be having a sale to sell off all my remaining components and stock. All my on-site service clients have been notified, I just need to send a letter out to all the others.

All of my time recently has been spent trying to make sure I tie up all the loose ends in closing Compass. There are many loose ends and commitments to live up to, I really want to make sure I finish well and don't have a bunch of customers upset with me. There has been lots of support and sincere concern for my well-being, which is just a reflection of the great relationships I have formed over these last 5 years.

I have been at peace about finding a job after everything is done and haven't really been searching. People have been very critical of me for this saying that I have 5 people to look after I can't leave finding a job to chance. Not to sound niave but the whole time I have figured that since I God has asked me to close my business so he must have a plan for my next step. The more I repeated this the dumber I felt and started doubting.

I did pass out a couple resumes though and I get a first and second interview at a particular business. The first interview went great, the second I thought I bombed and I never heard back from them. Sometime last week I was having trouble sleeping. It may have been something I ate, I am not sure but somewhere around 5am I had a vision that I would work at this business and in the vision I became the top sales person within 3 months.

I wasn't sure what to think about this, was it God or was I just hallucinating. This wasn't a normal thing for me to have a vision like this and since the timing seemed to be bang on I as I have been praying for direction I decided it was God. In faith I went to go see manager again, just to remind him I am still here and eager to work. Our brief meeting went well and he said he would get back to me by last Friday with a yes or a no. Friday came and went and so did the weekend, then the week without a phone call. So what was that all about God? Did I hear you? I was sure that was you but no phone call means no job, no job means vision was just indigestion. :(

Oh well, let it rest, I got enough other stuff on my plate anyways.

Phone call comes today, I start on Tuesday. How do you like them apples?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


Be a man, listen to the truths that I have been teaching you, they are not just for everybody else, they are for you. Be a man, being a man is not hiding in darkness, being a man is standing in the light. Be a man, walk in purity and honestly so there can be nothing hiding in your closet when the accusers come. Be a man and walk out of your so called security and into a faith walk with me I have plans for you I will not let you down. I am the father who desires good things for you, but know that I alone know what is good for you and you may not. You may have to go without the things you desire for a time or for good but I tell you that obedience is greater than these things and your reward will not be of this earth. Trust in me, use that desire for intimacy that I have placed in you to truly seek me as I desire an even greater intimacy with you. You are my child, I don’t make mistakes but I do leave it up to you to change your ways, I will not do it for you. You are mine, I have not forgotten you, the good work I have started in you I will be faithful to complete it, but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt when I remove the cancer, my road is full of pain as there is always pain in death (dying to yourself). Let go of your earthly comforts, this is why I have sent you my spirit. Find your identity in me and not what others think. You will stand before thousands but it will be for my sake and my name not your own. The glory will be mine and you will be tempted to take it for yourself. Be in me, I love you. Be in me you are my son. Be in me I have your good in mind. Be in me and trust.

Monday, September 12, 2005


I doubt that Jesus thought that his time in the desert would be easy. After all it is the place of testing. It is the point between where you were and where you know God wants you to be. Generally you don't know how large your desert is, your desert journey could last years, for others may only last days. But no matter what the desert is a hard place to be. Physically a desert is dry and hot, so the spiritual parallel would be an uncomfortable place. Maybe it is being in limbo, with no job or income. Or maybe it is just walking out of what you know, a situation that you know is not where God has called you to be but it is comfortable because your immediate needs are being met. But you take courage and walk out of that and into the unknown in obedience to Gods calling. One thing is for sure, when in the desert your destination looks way to far to be reachable and the land from which you came does not look all that bad anymore and is probably quite livable.

Jesus proved through his time of testing in the desert that even though He was God in the flesh, that he was still God over his flesh.

I am sure that even though His desert of testing He had to face before He started His ministry was hard, it was nothing compared to the last desert that He would face which was the desert between the last supper and the cross. This was the ultimate desert that no human could ever face. Every time He fell and got back up, he reaffirmed that He was God over His flesh. And as He died He took the sin of the world upon himself and sunk to the depths of hell and broke the chains of sin and death forever His desert was finally over, and He reached His destination at the right hand of God the Father.
Even though I was not there I imagine there was a victory parade in heaven as Jesus came back and I am sure the words "Well done, good and faithful Son" were heard.

Saturday, September 10, 2005


We have been learning a lot about death in the last while. When I am talking about this I am not meaning a physical death, I am speaking about a spiritual death. Death to yourself, your dreams, your plans, your fears, your flesh. It is only if we experience death that we can experience resurrection power.
Jesus calls us to this in Mark 8:34 And he called to him the multitude with his disciples, and said to them, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me".

Why would Jesus ask us to pick up our cross? What is the cross? The cross is where death and resurrection occur. Every day I need to deny myself and all my plans, no matter how great they are, no matter how "godly" they sound.

If I believe that God is God then I will have faith that He has a greater plan for my life then I do or ever could.

He may lead us to walk out of security and what is familiar to us walk into the unknown. If I believe that He said He will never let me fall then I just may have jump.

Last weekend I made the decision to close the doors on Compass Computer Systems, which is the business that I have been running for the last five years. This has been the greatest death walk that I have had to face to date. If I had been obedient I would have done this sooner but due to other people and circumstances I lost my courage and continued on in the land of the familiar.

Bruce Wilkinson wrote a really neat book called "The Dream Giver". This book follows the life of a character named Ordinary who one night was visited by the Dream Giver and given a dream. But his dream meant that he must leave his homeland of Familiar and venture into the unknown. In the quest of his dream he meets much adversity and has to battle with all his fears. I now understand where Ordinary was going.

This was a hard week for me, I had to confront fears and let down people that I never wanted to disappoint. And to be honest I really don't know where I am going next. I have five people I need to look after in my family and to walk away from something without knowing where the next stop is sounds pretty foolish. Yesterday I was scared and fear had its grip on my soul, but today I am starting to get a little excited. Just look at what God can do now.

Even the sky is not God's limit.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


As many of you know I am into radio control cars as my hobby, it is really fun and I enjoy it a lot. I decided about a month ago I was going to get a new car. After lots of Ebay research I found a great deal and purchased it. I sent off the money order a while ago and recently emailed the seller as I haven't heard from him as to the shipping status. It was then I noticed the location, Violet, LA. I thought LA was Los Angeles but that is a city not a state. Nope that is Loiseianna, hurricane Katrina central. My RC is likely floating down the Mississipi somewhere quite possibly along with my money order (its whereabouts is currently unknown).
As comical as I am making this story it really isn't. The guy I purchased from did email me and he lost everything, their house is completely submerged. I find it incredible how a natural disaster can have effects as far reaching as right here in Canada. Thank you Internet.

Sunday, September 04, 2005


Yes this is a different post than my post called "Brothers" although they share some similarities. I had the honor to bring a short message to church this Sunday and this is what I spoke. I only had five minutes which is why it is so brief. I am re-using the picture of the 2005 Hope Mens Retreat because I had this picture displayed in the background as I spoke.

Psalm 133 (New Living Translation)

How wonderful it is, how pleasant, when brothers live together in harmony! For harmony is as precious as the fragrant anointing oil that was poured over Aaron's head,that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe. Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon that falls on the mountains of Zion. And the LORD has pronounced his blessing, even life forevermore.

I would like to share just a little bit about what God has put on my heart regarding the relationships of men in the church and my personal journey through the exploration of manhood.

As a boy I desired to connect with my father on a deeper level than he was willing. Either that or the more likely cause was that was that he just didn’t know how. Much of my childhood was spent trying to fit in but failing miserably. I had a couple close friends growing up that I was able to connect with on a mostly superficial level, but it was all I had.

When I reached puberty I realized that women were much more likely than men to go as intimate as I desired. The end result was that I had a lot of girl “friends”. Later in my teen years I found that I could get far more intimate with women than I ever could have imagined, to the point of sin. My desperation for intimacy was a turn off to many, and I ended up looking more like a love sick puppy than a strong man.

After rededicating my life to Christ and falling in love with my wife Sarah I was satisfied, for a while. My wife was able to fill my desire for intimacy for a period of time.

It was around this point in my life that I became a father. And I started to measure and examine my life in a whole new light. All of a sudden Sarah was not able to fill that void in me any longer because she just didn’t know what it meant to be a man (thank goodness). God put a thirst and desire into me for knowledge and wisdom. What is my purpose? How can I be a good father? A good husband? How am I going to lead a family? WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A MAN………?

How do you answer questions like that? I believe there are a very few lucky guys out there who’s fathers modeled it for them. Others were probably told how to be a man, but without someone to model it, had no idea what it looked like. But I believe the majority of us just don’t know. I don’t think it was that I wanted a summed up paragraph and answer, although that would have been nice. I think it is just that I wanted to find another man who had the same desire as me, so we could try and figure it out together.

I got some very interesting reactions from men over the years that I have attempted to venture down that road with. I got silence, lots of clearing throats and changing the subject, but mostly just avoidance. Of that particular topic, and of me.

Generally among men we have that independence, the one that says “I don’t need nobody, I can do this all myself. After all I am a man”. Just incase you were wondering this is the same reason we cannot stop and ask directions when we get lost. And sometimes we take the same attitude towards our manhood. “Well, I might make some wrong turns but eventually I will figure it out”. Men if this is your attitude then I have to say right now you are in a dangerous place. We have far to precious gifts from God in our children and wives to leave figuring out manhood to chance.

Among Christian men I was able to find a little bit more of the same heart regarding this subject. Some of the guys that I approached at the church I was going to at the time liked the idea but couldn't find the value in actually making time to do it. And so I searched on, finding many dead ends, wrong roads and not a lot of answers.

Today I have two tight brothers who are walking with me on my journey and I walk in peace knowing that I am not alone. We are able to talk about the issues that impact our lives and our abilities to lead our families and we are finding answers and strength in our weakness.

Believe me, I am not standing up here today claiming that I now know what it means to be a man. I believe that just like our spiritual walk with Christ that this is a journey and will be walked out throughout my lifetime. What I do know is this, manhood is a realization that you do not know what you are doing, you do not know what it means to be man. But you have a humble attitude before God and the courage to ask for help.

This picture of the men’s retreat from February gives you a glimpse of the unity that we had. It was an incredible weekend and I think most of our women would agree we came back better men. There is an electricity in the air when men dwell in unity together, and it could be felt there that weekend. Battles were waged on our knees in repentance and crying out to God, “I don’t know how to do this, please help”. That same unity is what we need year round and should not be reserved for large conferences and retreats.

Brotherhood is just one more example of how the body needs to work together. Divided we know only a small part but together we have it all together. You might have a little tidbit to share with me on how to lead my family and I may be able to help you with spending quality time with your kids. Brotherhood takes physical form when you know how to put that new bedroom window in and replace my siding, and I have the expertise to help you with your computer problems.

You single guys, please do not feel like you are not included if your are not married or have children. You can walk this road with us who do have those responsibilities and be truly prepared when you do find that love of your life. And not have to make the same mistakes that some of us have.

My heart just weeps for you men that are struggling in your marriages during this time of testing. Your boats are being rocked all over and you are not sure if you can make it.

Some of you are still together with your spouse, but just barely. Others marriages have actually parted ways and you now feel like you are alone. Let me just assure you this is not God’s design, you were not meant to walk this path alone

I know that I speak for the men of this church when I say that we just want to surround you and love your through this. Hug you when you feel down, be an ear willing to listen to what you are going through, lend a helping hand for the work that needs to get done. But also, and possibly most importantly challenge you to change some of your attitudes and move out of the depths of your despair so you can boldly walk into the light that God wants to shine upon you.

Brotherhood is coming together of men with the purpose to walk this road together. We are standing tall and strong when we are on our knees, together before God. Lower your pride, ask for help. I and your brothers want to walk with you.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Pay Attention

I recently read a blog where a lady in her 40's was talking about living with ADHD as an adult. Her thoughts intrigued me as I was diagnosed in 1997 with ADD (no "H" because I never had a problem with hyper activity - though my parents may digree). It was great to finally have a label for why I was the way I was (academically anyways) for this was a significant time of trying to figure out who I was (19 years old, new father and husband). It is similar to those of you who have taken the personality types quiz to find out if you were a sanguine, melancholy, choleric or phlegmatic. Once you see where you fit you go, "hey yeah, that is me".

My diagnosis process was interesting. I went to my family doctor with some old report cards from elementary school and high school. All of them echoing similar comments "He is a intelligent young man with much promise, he just can't seem to apply himself", "He is so charming and helpful, he just can't seem to get his homework done". I was asked a couple other questions but by the end of our thirty minute interview I was slapped with the label "ADD". With a Ritalin prescription to boot, woo hoo!

Well that was not good enough for me, I needed a better diagnosis than that. Somehow I found out about a program that the University's department of Psychology was running to test adults with ADD (previous to this it was thought that ADD was something you eventually would grow out of so adulthood ADD was cutting edge stuff). I went through several days of rigerous testing with various psycholgy students and at the end I was presented with a thrity page report that verified my label. Wow, I really am screwed up, good to know. Now I have proof!

The best thing that came out of my whole ADD experience was Transitions. Transitions was a program run by the adult education department of SIAST, its intent was to educate about learning disabilities and assist in learning (more so intended for those transitioning from highshool to University or College, but I still qualified). We had the greatest teachers, Marla and Betty who really loved what they were doing and it was reflected in how they treated us. We learned about all the different medications that were available and we learned natural coping techniques. I walked away with a greater knowlegde of learning disabilities, but more importantly I walked away knowing myself better. Which was just what I needed in trying to find my place as a man, father and husband.

I was on Ritalin and the genaric Methelphenidate consistantly for a couple years in around that time. Increased heart rate, lots of persperation, loss of appetite and trouble sleeping were my main side effects physically but thats not all folks. Emotionally it drained everything out of me that made me, me. My wife called me zombie, but boy could I concentrate....on everything.....and nothing. I was a bonified space cowboy.

When I started computer college I was taking my medication but I found that I needed it less and less. I simply just loved what I was doing and concentration was not a problem. So I went offof it and haven't gone back. Although I will admit whenever I meet a speedbump in life I often want to run back to my label so I can use my drugs again and fix me..

My view on ADD and ADHD had taken a major, major turn in the past 6 years. In 2000 we had a son, a son that as he grew up became very active, a son that cannot sit still, a son that if exposed to the school system would definatley be stamped with the rubber stamp of ADHD (we homeschool).
It would take me far to long to get into my current feelings on this topic but I will try and sum it up for you. I believe that ADD\ADHD is a personality type, a personality type that is not tolerated in todays world of busyness. In today's society learning has become "read it, memorize it, spit it out". And only if you can at least half the questions right on a test (showing that you have learned the "read it, memorize it, spit it out" process) have you actually learned andything. There is no tolerance for people that need hands on learning.
Hands on learning is also reffered to as kinisthetic learning. Kinisthetic learners are inconveint when you have a 30 to 1 student\teacher ratio in a class room. Sitting at a desk (for long periods of time) becomes boring because traditional learning is abstract. So ADHDers with move, fidget and generally create problems. ADDers (like me) will create the grandest adventures in there minds and travel to far off galaxies, or make that pink eraser become a grand prix racer, or make that pen a rocket ship, or draw a huge battle scene with tons of little tanks, soldiers and airplanes on the paper that was handed out to write a book report on. When you start to look at the ADD\ADHD symptoms, they seem to corolate with the various personality type weaknesses.

So what is an educational institution to do?

These trouble makers will disturb the rest of the class, our test scores will lower and so will out funding, what can we do??????

Hmmmm, well I know a drug that will settle them down. Lets give them a lable, we'll make it a really serious sounding label that makes it sound like there is something reallty wrong with them. Something to do with chemicals in the brain, that one always works. Then we will introduce a drug that just so happens to alter these brain chemicals back to where they need to be.

But won't that alter there personalities, make them like zombies?

That doesn't matter, they don't need to have a personality, this is an educational institution for pete's sake, not Canadian Idol. They need to learn the way we can afford to educate them, nod the way they need.

All we gotta do is knock the sharp corners off. Then a square peg fits in a round hole.

Okay, please forgive the fecitiousness of that paragraph, I am talking about medical labels here and not trying to attack out educational system. Take it as a conspiracy theory and leave it at that. As you can see my opinions are rather passionate as well as bias.

I do want to say this though, embrace who God made you. Overecome your personality weaknesses but don't throw the baby out with the bath water, embrace your strenghths. God makes us who we are and He don't make no junk. Sometimes He does puts a boulder in our path, but that boulder is there to make us a better person and build endurance perseverance rather than to completely block our paths. The good work God stared in you he will be faithful to complete it.

If you are interested in finding out your personality type, click here.

Saturday, August 27, 2005


For those of you who do not know I have two really good guys who I get together with weekly, you guys would know them as Moose and CWG.

I can remember a time when I had such an incredible desire to meet with other men and nobody to meet with. I just wanted to know what it was like to be a man from another man's point of view, since I didn't seem to know. It hurt because I couldn't find anybody willing to share their heart with me. Some of the guys that I approached at the church I was going to at the time liked the idea but couldn't find the value in actually making time to do it, other men I knew felt extremely threatened by the idea of going that intimate a level with another man. Come on now, we are men, we don't have those gushy feelings. We don't need anybody else, we are self sufficient.

At this time I was going through so much in life, I had just come out of a bad pornography addiction, my marriage was on the mend and I was a new father. I was going from dead end job to dead end job and trying to find my place in the world.

What does it mean to be a man? I wanted to know because from my perspective I wasn't doing very good at being one. I wanted to connect heart to heart.

My cry continued for another year or so until we started to go to the Church that we now call home and our family. This Church was constantly calling people into deeper relationships with God and each other. Surely I could find somebody who shared my hearts cry here. And sure enough, in our new care group a guy shared his testimony. He was kind of a funny looking guy but that didn't matter (just bugs). In his testimony he shared the same heart cry and the last words in he said in his testimony was "I'm just looking for a friend". Well I approached him afterwards and said I was looking for a friend too. Ever since then we have been like pea and carrots (Gump quote for those of you who do not know). We have not been able to get together as much as we probably would like to as he has 5 kids and I have 4 so we are kind of limited. But no matter what we know we are together in spirit.

We have challenged each other and seen each other to grow as men and as fathers, and to love our wives more. There is no topic that is taboo and I can tell him anything. He has been there for me and I for him (well I hope I have been there for him, he certainly has been for me). He is my best friend and I value him very highly. He is a man of God and a man of principle and I have so much to learn from him. I am honored that he calls me friend. I am talking about CWG if you didn't figure that out yet.

This year we had another friend join us in our Thursday night meetings, his name is Moose. Both CWG and I noticed that same heart that we have in him, and he fit in with us like corn with our peas and carrots. He has gone through some incredible battles of late. And though battle scared, he is shining brightly with the radiance of Christ. He always has an encouraging word for you even though some things in his life are kind of challenging for him right now.

So now I have been doubly blessed. Just like the time we couldn't afford a bike or bike trailer (for the kids) and Sarah prayed and we were given six bikes and two bike trailers in a matter of
two months, sometimes God answers in abundance.

There have been many others in my church that I have been able to build relationships with as well and I am not intentionally leaving anybody out. What I have with CWG and Moose is not reserved for them only as God's calling on my life is for more of this. This is what brothers is truly about.


Okay this was just too funny to not post. This is Weird Al's version of Avril Lavigne's song, Complicated. Which I thing we have all heard at least a million times. These lyrics are hilarious, I busted my gut listening to the song. And since I cannot share the actual song with you I will share the lyrics in typical Firestarter fashion

Weird Al - Constipated (Avril Lavigne - Complicated)

Pizza party at your house,
I went just to check it out.
19 extra larges,
What a shame, no one came.
Just us, eatin' all alone,
You said take the pizza home.
No sense lettin' all this go to waste,
So then I faced

Pizza all day, and everyday, there's cheese round the clock,
It's gettin' me blocked, And I sure don't care, for irregularity.

Tell me,
Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?
Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated,
In the bathroom.
I sit and I wait and I strain and I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should've taken laxatives or had my colon irrigated.
No, no, no.

I was feelin' pretty down,
'Til my girlfriend came around.
We're just so alike in every way, I gotta say.
In fact, I just thought I might,
pop the question there that night.
I was kissing her so tenderly,
But woe is me.

Who would have guessed, her family crest.
I suddenly spy, tattoo'd on her thigh.
And son of a gun, it's just like the one on me.
Tell me.

How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated.
What to do now?
Should I go ahead and propose to get hitched and have kids with 11 toes,
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated.
No, no, no.

(no no no)

I had so much on my mind,
I thought maybe I'd unwind.
Try out that new roller coaster ride,
And the guide...

Said not to stand, but that's a demand,
That I couldn't meet, I got on my feet,
And stood up instead and knocked off my head you see.
Tell me.

Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience, oh man I really hate it.
It's such a drag now.
I can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore, I can't belch or yodel anymore,
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated.
Oh no!

Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated?
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated.
What a bummer.
I can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze.
But my neck is enjoying a pleasant breeze now.
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated.
No, no, no.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Family Pictures

Well we survived and the pictures turned out great.

Myself, Carebear and our Kids

My family, plus my Mom and sister.

Thursday, August 25, 2005


I just love this song, I can't stop humming it. Noah and I had it cranked up and the 10" woofer pounding when we were running errands last night. If you get a chance to listen to it do. I think it is a fitting anthem for the Firestarter.

Burn For You - TobyMac

I'm a brand new man.I'm a conscious man.I'm a man who's burnin'for you
The mistakes I've made have been chased away to the bottom of the ocean blue.
I'm a brand new man in a foreign land.I'm a man who's feelin'that fire.
And it's all so clear when I'm standing here at the peak of my desire.
So wont you move me like you used to.I want the world to know I burn for you.

I feel revived again, I am alive again (Burnin'for you)
You got me lifted and lifted you lift me up
I feel revived again,I'm energized again(burinin'for you)
You got me lifted and lifted you lift me up

Woke up in a sweat,those ghosts in my head. Had a grip, but I slipped on by.
It's a whole new day as the darkness fades, and the sun's climbing in the sky.
I concede,my love,that I need your love.I'm before you,a broken man,and it's only you no substitutes who can renew this soul again

You got me higher than Kilimanjaro.Got me believin' I can "save the day"
I'm up and running like there ain't no tomorrow.
I'd rather burn for you than fade away.
I'd rather burn for you than go my way.

I'm a whole new guy with a whole new vibe.
Changed inside-more flame in the fire.
Can't stop,won't stop praying for desire.
Like the bunny on the screen feels so energized.
Old shell gone without a trace,new face.
No more shortness of breath,new pace.
Live life now without the taste of fear.
TOBYMAC,Double Dutch now let the smoke clear

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Email hoaxes are really starting to grind my butt. There are so many of you are propogating lies with the touch of your "forward" button, and you don't even know it!
Okay first of all I do not understand the whole "forward" thing anyways, I don't even bother reading them and if it happens often enough I kindly ask to be removed from the persons email list. If something is worth reading it usually will not start with "Fw:"
My favorite example is "Fw: You are my best friend". Wow!!! I sure felt valued when you took that whole 2 seconds to send me your deep and personal feelings about our friendship and it was written by somebody you have never even met! Anyways, thats a whole nother rant.
Email hoaxes are also sometimes called email viruses, because just like a virus these emails replicate themselves and proliferate the email system, though not becuase of malicious code. Rather because of that darn "forward" button. Just do the math, if one person sends it to 15 people on their email list, and those 15 send it to another 15 the result is exponential.

The email that has gotten me going today is this one:

Fw: Dr. Dobson & CBS Response/ KT PLEASE SIGN AND SEND ON

This email was forwarded to me by a friend, a friend with a very good heart and I know their intentions behind forwarding this so please, if you read this do not be offended, just be educated and learn your lesson.

This email states the following:

Apparently we are to be allowed to watch TV programs that use every foul word in the English Language, but not the word "God." It will only take a minute to read this and see if you think you should send it out


Dr. Dobson's only plea for action is that the truth about this hoax be discovered.

CBS discontinued "Touched by an Angel" for using the word God in every program. Madeline Murray O'Hare, an atheist, successfully managed to eliminate the use of Bible reading from public schools a few years ago. Now her organization has been granted a Federal Hearing on the same subject by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) in Washington, DC.

Touched By An Angel ran its course and came to an end just like every other television series eventually does. It had nothing to do with the FCC or the mention of God just about ratings. The Hallmark channel is airing the entire 9 seasons as reruns for those of you who are interested.

Madeline Murray O'Hare
was not originally part of the hoax but was added in the 90's. It may be important to add that she has been dead for 11 years. She and two of her adult children went missing in 1995, their killer was eventually caught and pled guilty to reduced charges and in January 2001 he led police to three bodies buried on a remote Texas ranch, which proved to be O'Hair and her children.

Her organization "American Atheists" is not pursuing any actions with the FCC regarding the word "God". K. Dane Snowden, who heads the FCC's consumer bureau wishes he could finally dispel the rumor."It is one of the most fascinating urban myths that continues to grow. The FCC has no authority to ban religious programming, it literally is a myth".

Their petition, Number 2493, would ultimately pave the way to stop the reading of the gospel our Lord and Savior, on the airwaves of America.

RM-2493 was to ensure channels reserved for educational purposes not be taken up by religious groups looking to use them for a different purpose. Jeremy Lansman and Lorenzo Milam who were the real instigators asked the FCC to prevent religious organizations from obtaining licenses to operate broadcasting channels reserved for education. The author of the petition to stop Madalyn Murray O'Hair badly misrepresented RM-2493 as well as invoked a woman (crowned as the "most hated woman in America" in 1964 by Life magazine) who wasn't ever part of the deal.

They got 287,000 signatures to back their stand! If this attempt is successful, all Sunday worship services being broadcast on the radio or by television will be stopped. This group is also campaigning to remove all Christmas programs and Christmas carols from public schools!! You as a Christian (or any other religious background) can help!

The statement about Christmas programs and carols is a more recent addition to the hoax and did not exist in earlier versions. It is intended to make this claim that much more urgent and emotional.

We are praying for at least 1 million signatures.

Signatures are not possible via email, leaving your name and city does not have the same validation that a signature on a petition would. For more information click here.

This would defeat their effort and show that there are many Christians alive, well and concerned about our country. As Christians we must unite on this. Please don't take this lightly.

We ignored this lady once and lost prayer in our school and in offices across the nation.

Please stand up for your religious freedom and let your voice be heard. Together we can make a difference in our country while creating and for the
lost to know the Lord.

If the text seems aimed more at persuading than informing the reader, be suspicious. Like propagandists, hoaxers are more interested in pushing people's emotional buttons than communicating accurate information.

Please press "forward", and forward this to everyone that you think should read this.

Now, please sign your name at the bottom (you can only add your name after you have pressed the "Forward").

Look for the telltale phrase, 'Forward this to everyone you know!' The more urgent the plea, the more suspect the message.

Don't delete any other names, just go to the next Number and type your name and state . Please defeat this organization and keep the right of our freedom of religion.

When you get to 1500 please email back to: "Lisa Norman"

The email address does not exist and any emails being sent to it are returned.

REMEMBER: Our country was founded on freedom of religion and our Constitution is based on the 10 Commandments.

Wow, what a claim.

We need to be clear about jurisdictional lines. Anything petition that crosses state borders let alone international borders usually has little influence on law making. A petition is to represent the people that the law is going to directly influence. To think that any US congressman would care anything about what we here in Canada thought about a law that has no bearing on us is ridiculous.

Dr Dobson himself has been trying to defeat this lie with little success, there is a complete article here as well as an audio commentary by Dobson himself.

The FCC has been flooded with letters regarding this hoax for nearly 30 years as this lie first started with good old fashioned paper and envelopes. Between 1975 and 1995, more than 30 million pieces of mail decrying RM-2493 had been received by the FCC. The FCC's official statement regarding this claim is found here

Hitler used propaganda to fuel his Nazi revolution, his propaganda brain washed many intelligent people. In agreement with Dobson I believe that this propaganda is an attempt by the enemy to create confusion amongst Christians. Divide and conquer. Please do not be part of the spreading of a lie, and make sure that before you hit the "Forward" button that you do your research. If you google the terms "Murray O'Hare" and "Dobson" you will get page after page of websites informing you about this lie, it is just that easy.

Sunday, August 21, 2005


Next to being a man of God and husband there is no greater calling on my life than being a father. I cannot express how much I love my kids and what a blessing they are to me. My youngest is number four in our litter. She has an amazing ability to pull my heart strings. I think that God wired us as fathers with a special love for our daughters. Not that God hasn't wired us with a special love for our sons as well, but it is different. I will be the first to admit that I love my boys differently than my girls, not more, just differently.

I have studied my sister over the years and noted how that need for the daddy love which she feels she never got has affected her life. As a result I have committed myself to loving my girls and giving them everything that they need. I plan to spoil them for their future husbands. Raising the bar if you will. So that when these little punks come around my girls will not be so easily enticed. Being treated with respect and having gentlemanly manners will not be and option it will just be expected or hit the road jack, because that is how their Daddy treated them.

Saturday, August 20, 2005


Wow, here is a tear jerker. This is the only poem I ever wrote that actually rhymes. I wrote this shortly before breaking up with Sarah, but there is a whole nother story behind that which I will share sometime.


She makes the choices she knows are all wrong
She doesn't want to, yet she continues on

The love we had and the feelings we shared
When they went away left me lonley, confused and scared

She can't make sence of it in her head
She chooses not to think about it instead

I don't know what to do because I still care
But I can't find the woman I love inside her anywhere

I know that she is still somewhere deep inside
But she chooses to run and hide

What we once had was beyond compare
But when it dissapeared I couldn't find it anywhere

I struggle and try to let her go
But no matter what, she is still in my soul

Friday, August 19, 2005

Love In The Rain

This is somewhat related to Carebear's post on " What's the weather like over there?".
Unlike her I am not the type to run out in the rain and let it drench me and enjoy it. I am more typically the type to run away and do whatever it takes to stay dry.
When we have gotten caught in the rain my wife has said to me many times "don't run, God is pouring his blessing on you, enjoy it". There are also many songs that use rain as a metaphor for God's blessing over us, so it got me thinking.

The rain does not choose where to fall, it just falls - It is not how good your were that made the rain fall on you and their isn't anything you could possibly do that could make it rain any more. Some choose to stay sheltered from the rain, while others embrace it.

The rain washes clean - Everyone knows that beautiful smell that comes just after the rain, you can't describe it, it is just the smell of clean. All the dust, all the smokey smog, all of the filth and grime from day to day life, washed away into the sewer never to be seen again.

The rain is essential for growth - We are all to familiar here on the prairies with drought. Everything dries up and turns yellow, the ground cracks. But then the rain comes and new life springs up all over the place. Green sprouts pop out barren lands, flowers bloom, things that are dying become replenished and have a new hope for life.

If you take a minute and take the words "rain" out of the above 3 statements and replace them with "God's love", you will see the point I am trying to make.

I didn't do anything for God to love me. He just does, because HE IS LOVE and I am His.

It was God's rain that cleansed us forever. I was in the depths of my despair covered by darkness and lies. I chose to turn to Him. It is then in, in that one moment that a drop of His rain, a glimpse of love shone through the darkness and BAM!!! The power of drought and darkness lost its grip. And His love breaks through.
God sent the eternal rain, Jesus. The ultimate atonement for my sin. The lamb who’s blood covers all my wrong doings until the end of time.

His love spurs me on to grow. I desire to know him better because he sought me out and called me home. My devotion towards Him is my response to His great love. He loved me first.

One other thought, God's rain is essential to create more rain (remember the "evaporation cycle" from elementary school?). I need His love to continually pulse through my veins so that I can walk that love in my life and with every person I meet. So when I see that brother or sister who is so broken inside and cannot stand on their own, I can share the rain and help them stand.

I just found this article when searching for a picture of rain for my blog it is a different perspective than my own but very well written and a very good read.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Pure Online

I just found out about this great service that is being offered for men struggling with pornography addiction. It is call Pure Online and is a 30 day program that can help with recovery. It is 100% Christian based and uses biblical principals and truths to build a foundation upon which a man desiring to be free from pornography can finally achieve success.

Maybe yourself or someone you know is struggling in this area, here is help. It is costly at $150.00USD but what price tag can you put on sexual purity?

Watch the demo at

I will be posting soon on pornography addiction in the church.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Sword

The 90's saw the rise of a new man. Men were tired of being defined by the Al Bundy's and Homer Simpson’s and knew that a change had to take place. Men saw a need to get off the couch and on their knees and start to take their God given places as the leaders of their homes.
This is what was birthed in the hearts of the men who wanted to see change on a massive scale and started to call out using the venue of large conferences across the country. Of course this movement is called Promise Keepers. Hundreds of thousands of men for the first time were presented with the sword. This sword represented everything that God intended for manhood including integrity, purity, love and most of all leadership.

Most men learned from their own fathers what it meant to be a father and husband, but even they didn't know how to hold that sword. The man ruled his house with an iron fist. The wife and the children were prim and proper and full of respect......or else. There was no respect here, just fear. So instead of holding the sword high over their heads as a symbol of God's anointing, they used held it over their wives and children in a position of threatening and dictatorship. The sword was abused.
The feminst movement swept in in the sixties and ripped the sword away from all men, not just the abusers. In retrospect it is very easy to how it was these abusers that birthed the feminists movement by the harshness in which they ruled their families, not liberal women. But unfortunatley women, even feminists were not anointed to hold the sword either and so it got put in the closet and eventually buried under all the other crap in our lives.

There are many places we could put the blame for our condition, maybe it is the fact that many of our grandfathers were new immigrants to this nation and were far too busy plowing the soil and building the homestead than to be a father to our fathers. Or maybe it was that self-reliant immigrant attitude that "I am going to find a plot of land somewhere in the middle of nowhere and start my life, and I don't need anybody's help" that passed on to our fathers generation. Regardless many of our fathers (pre baby boom generation) felt abandon, loveless and alone.

Many of us Generation X'ers were raised by these men, and the cry for the love of the father has amplified.

Now that we know where we came from, where are we now? My desire for my generation is that they would be the new man. The ones who see the holes left in their hearts from the lack of love from their earthly father and fill it with the love of the heavenly father. The ones who know that we can not do this all on our own and cry out for help from other brothers in the Lord. We are the ones who are just learning to hold that sword up high but constantly surrendering it back to the father because we just don't know how to hold it (yet). We are the ones who see the hurt we have cause our wives by not leading our families. This made them have to try and lead our familes swordless, a positon which they were not anointed for. This caused hurt and resentment in our wives because somebody had to lead in our place. We are the ones who are going into the closet to get that sword and take back the leadership from our wives with humbleness and a heart of repentance. We are the ones who will love our children and make sure they know they are loved. We will not stand by and watch them grow up in a society of love deficiency where they need the find love in every place but their fathers. We will realize that we as men represent God in the hearts and lives of our children.

We will stand firm against the generational curses and declare in the heavenlies that THIS CRAP STOPS HERE!!!!!

Men this is your call. We are a new generation, we need not be hampered by the sins of our fathers. We need not let what was started however many generations ago continue through our lines. God is raising us up he is calling us, the question is will we listen???? Men get up off your couches tonight, turn off the TV, stop being so quiet in the church and forcing our women into roles for which they were never intended. Get on your knees, repent for the areas of your life where you have not been the man God is calling you to be, stop hiding, stop running away! You know the truth now, there is no escaping it, no going back!

Seize this day, this is the day, the awakening of the new man, the new you. Your sins will no longer hold you back, they are the old man. The choice is yours, and really it is a choice. Will you look at your feet and all the crap that is oozing and squishing between your toes and concentrate on just how dirty your feet are? Or will you make that conscious choice to look up. I don't care about your addiction, God is bigger!!!! I don't care who you think you are, the Holy Spirit is alive inside of you and again He is bigger.

Men, join with me, grab your sword and hold it high, you are anointed to carry it. It may seem heavy at first. You may have to give it back to the father when you see that you are abusing it. You may have to call on a couple other Godly men to come beside you and help you lift it until you can lift it on your own BUT IT IS YOURS. Your name shimmers in fire on the blade followed by the words "Anointed One". It cannot be passed.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Good Bye Brother

Pastor Dwayne Harms passed away yesterday morning at 7:30. Dwayne was diagnosed with terminal cancer approximatley 3 months ago.

I did not know Dwayne but he has touched me none the less through his blog.
I know I have taken for granted how fragile life can be. I have been challenged to take joy through the pains of life but none of mine have been physical, Dwayne showed me how to praise God even in the midst of physical pain.
Dwayne finished well and there is no doubt in my mind that Jesus will embrace him and say "Well done good and faithful servant".
I am challenged to love life more through Dwayne's death, so I would just like to say thank you Dwayne, see you on the other side.


Casting Crowns - Lifesong

Empty hands held high
Such small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I want to sign your name to the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true
Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord, I give my life
A living sacrafice
To reach a world in need
To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to you


Let my lifesong sing to You

Chorus: (2x’s)

Monday, August 15, 2005

Identity & Vision

I had coffee this morning with a very wise friend. We talked a little about some of the struggles I have had as an entrepreneur and as a family man, both of which boil down to leadership.
I have really struggled with this area which God keeps bringing me back to. He is not going let up on this one with me because it just seems like I don't get it.
Vision is defined by as - Unusual competence in discernment or perception; intelligent foresight: a leader of vision.
Vision also refers to our physical eyes and how well we can see. A leader of vison should be able to see the past and present and learn from mistakes and making adjustments in your course to avoid making those same mistakes.
Another definition I just love is the definition of insanity - attempting the same thing with the same variables and expecting different results. Which is what I have been doing. So basically I am in insane and not a visionary.
Well how many men out there can say that they have a solid plan for their family and or business? I would guess that these days not many. Many have fallen into the Homer Simpson mode of manhood which is basically like cruise control on your car. Set your speed and let it go and if you fall asleep at the wheel oh well. No wonder our women have seen it there place to lead our families.
When a person starts to try to formulate a vision for the future you quickly find out where your self worth is at. Are you a cup half full or empty kind of guy?

The Bible says this about me (am you!)

I am accepted...

John 1:12 - I am God's child.
John 15:15 - As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1 - I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17 - I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 - I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27 - I am a member of Christ's body.
Ephesians 1:3-8 - I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13-14 - I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9-10 - I am complete in Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16 - I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.

I am secure...

Romans 8:1-2 - I am free from condemnation.
Romans 8:28 - I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31-39 - I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22 - I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4 - I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6 - I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20 - I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7 - I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18 - I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.

I am significant...

John 15:5 - I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16 - I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16 - I am God's temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21 - I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6 - I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10 - I am God's workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12 - I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

What kind of vision could I have for my life if I really believed these things. I am not just one insignificant human wondering around this earth until I die. I am empowered by the power that created this universe. That’s like an ant being hooked up to the energy source for a city the size of New York.

I love seeing people have gotten this. They just know that they know that they know their identity in Christ. They are who God has created them to be and they don't care what the world thinks of them. There are the "just be'ers". Half the world hates the, the other half wants what they have even though they don't know what that is.

Questions to ponder

So how can you have vision if you have not yet accepted your identity? Better question is where are you getting your identity from right now? Your friends? Your position in your job? Your role in your family? Your intellect?

Ask yourself if you were to strip all those things away, would you be naked and ashamed or clothed in a robe of righteousness?

Sunday, August 14, 2005


I though this was kind of interesting. I was going through some old files and came accross this poem I wrote back when I was dating my beautiful wife. I used to think I was quite the poet. I used poetry to get me through the hard times I went through with her. Many of my poems are quite dark but not this one, this one was written shortly after an Alanon meeting that I went to. It was there that I came back to my Lord Jesus after parting from him for 3-4 years. It was beautiful and he gave me relief from the pain I was going through. Serenity is about what it felt like to have that pain lifted and being brought back into His presence.


A light shines through the darkness

Day breaks upon my cool frosted soul

A feeling of warmth comes over me and I open my eyes

The beauty of the world around me overcomes my emotions and I cannot help but to weep

How long had I taken this all for granted

How long have I looked through these hate stained glasses

What has changed

Has the world around me changed?

I ponder on this for a while and come to the conclusion that nothing has changed

Just me

I float down a crystal clear stream letting the water flow through me and cleanse my soul

The stream gentley carries me down to a lake that is just as pure as the stream

I swim around, carefree as bubbles that feel like sparkles consume and relax me

I get out of the water and stand on my now stable feet, and as the Son beats upon my naked chest the pure whiteness reflects off of me and shines so bright that it blinds the sun

As I slosh through the sand and feel it ooze between my toes, I feel my troubles, worries, ambitions and everything else that has weighed me down for so long draining out and being left as footprints in the sand

The pure water then laps upon the shore and washes them away

I look around and see the dark forest surrounding me

I decide to ingnore it this time and continue towards the light

Unqualified To Drive\Live

Were you driving today? Try and think of your drive to work or wherever you were going and ask yourself how aware were you of your driv...