Psalm 133 (New Living Translation)
How wonderful it is, how pleasant, when brothers live together in harmony! For harmony is as precious as the fragrant anointing oil that was poured over Aaron's head,that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe. Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon that falls on the mountains of Zion. And the LORD has pronounced his blessing, even life forevermore.
I would like to share just a little bit about what God has put on my heart regarding the relationships of men in the church and my personal journey through the exploration of manhood.
As a boy I desired to connect with my father on a deeper level than he was willing. Either that or the more likely cause was that was that he just didn’t know how. Much of my childhood was spent trying to fit in but failing miserably. I had a couple close friends growing up that I was able to connect with on a mostly superficial level, but it was all I had.
When I reached puberty I realized that women were much more likely than men to go as intimate as I desired. The end result was that I had a lot of girl “friends”. Later in my teen years I found that I could get far more intimate with women than I ever could have imagined, to the point of sin. My desperation for intimacy was a turn off to many, and I ended up looking more like a love sick puppy than a strong man.
After rededicating my life to Christ and falling in love with my wife Sarah I was satisfied, for a while. My wife was able to fill my desire for intimacy for a period of time.
It was around this point in my life that I became a father. And I started to measure and examine my life in a whole new light. All of a sudden Sarah was not able to fill that void in me any longer because she just didn’t know what it meant to be a man (thank goodness). God put a thirst and desire into me for knowledge and wisdom. What is my purpose? How can I be a good father? A good husband? How am I going to lead a family? WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A MAN………?
How do you answer questions like that? I believe there are a very few lucky guys out there who’s fathers modeled it for them. Others were probably told how to be a man, but without someone to model it, had no idea what it looked like. But I believe the majority of us just don’t know. I don’t think it was that I wanted a summed up paragraph and answer, although that would have been nice. I think it is just that I wanted to find another man who had the same desire as me, so we could try and figure it out together.
I got some very interesting reactions from men over the years that I have attempted to venture down that road with. I got silence, lots of clearing throats and changing the subject, but mostly just avoidance. Of that particular topic, and of me.
Generally among men we have that independence, the one that says “I don’t need nobody, I can do this all myself. After all I am a man”. Just incase you were wondering this is the same reason we cannot stop and ask directions when we get lost. And sometimes we take the same attitude towards our manhood. “Well, I might make some wrong turns but eventually I will figure it out”. Men if this is your attitude then I have to say right now you are in a dangerous place. We have far to precious gifts from God in our children and wives to leave figuring out manhood to chance.
Among Christian men I was able to find a little bit more of the same heart regarding this subject. Some of the guys that I approached at the church I was going to at the time liked the idea but couldn't find the value in actually making time to do it. And so I searched on, finding many dead ends, wrong roads and not a lot of answers.
Today I have two tight brothers who are walking with me on my journey and I walk in peace knowing that I am not alone. We are able to talk about the issues that impact our lives and our abilities to lead our families and we are finding answers and strength in our weakness.
Believe me, I am not standing up here today claiming that I now know what it means to be a man. I believe that just like our spiritual walk with Christ that this is a journey and will be walked out throughout my lifetime. What I do know is this, manhood is a realization that you do not know what you are doing, you do not know what it means to be man. But you have a humble attitude before God and the courage to ask for help.
This picture of the men’s retreat from February gives you a glimpse of the unity that we had. It was an incredible weekend and I think most of our women would agree we came back better men. There is an electricity in the air when men dwell in unity together, and it could be felt there that weekend. Battles were waged on our knees in repentance and crying out to God, “I don’t know how to do this, please help”. That same unity is what we need year round and should not be reserved for large conferences and retreats.
Brotherhood is just one more example of how the body needs to work together. Divided we know only a small part but together we have it all together. You might have a little tidbit to share with me on how to lead my family and I may be able to help you with spending quality time with your kids. Brotherhood takes physical form when you know how to put that new bedroom window in and replace my siding, and I have the expertise to help you with your computer problems.
You single guys, please do not feel like you are not included if your are not married or have children. You can walk this road with us who do have those responsibilities and be truly prepared when you do find that love of your life. And not have to make the same mistakes that some of us have.
My heart just weeps for you men that are struggling in your marriages during this time of testing. Your boats are being rocked all over and you are not sure if you can make it.
Some of you are still together with your spouse, but just barely. Others marriages have actually parted ways and you now feel like you are alone. Let me just assure you this is not God’s design, you were not meant to walk this path alone
I know that I speak for the men of this church when I say that we just want to surround you and love your through this. Hug you when you feel down, be an ear willing to listen to what you are going through, lend a helping hand for the work that needs to get done. But also, and possibly most importantly challenge you to change some of your attitudes and move out of the depths of your despair so you can boldly walk into the light that God wants to shine upon you.
Brotherhood is coming together of men with the purpose to walk this road together. We are standing tall and strong when we are on our knees, together before God. Lower your pride, ask for help. I and your brothers want to walk with you.
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