Thursday, July 07, 2005


I am finding myself back at the beginning. But God has been speaking to me through many things about building solid foundations.
I still need much self discipline though. I know the key to knowing God is spending time with him which is likely one of my biggest struggles right now. Mornings are definatley the best time to spend with Him, but mornings have not been happening. I have gotten into a bad cycle of getting up with just enough time to get ready and to work on time.
I want my children to know that when they wake up and see my bible on the table that I had spent my time with God. That I started the day right asking for guidance and direction with the many decisions that I had to make for the day.
Please pray for me that I could start to get this right.

Society Status

I am left in a situation I am unsure of how to deal with. I am disatisfied. I am disatisfied with my life. I have a beautiful wife, 4 awesome kids, my own company, why would I be disatisfied?? It is because I feel like I am not going anywhere. I am 5 years into a company that would qualify as a non-profit organization (actually non-profit organizations make more money than I do), I cannot provide for my family and I can't seem to get any self discipline in my life.
And for what?? A lack of vision. There can be no provision without vision. I am constantly asking God "why are you not providing for me?" and he keeps on saying "becuase you haven't asked".
Much of this is coming from the fact that I am going to be 30 pretty soon. I have always looked at 30 as being old and being the marker in my life where I would have certain things established such as a stable income and owning a home. I am many years away from either.
I struggle with trying to figure out if this is coming from my flesh or from God. Would I be satisfied if God said to me:

"I am going to provide for your basics only. You will have money, but just enough to get by. I will continue to bless your company with awesome customers but only enough to keep the doors open. I will give you a house to live in but it will never be yours."

Could I live with that?? I see many people that I look up to and God has blessed them financially, he has give them there own home and money to spare at then end of month. Why not me?? Are these not good Godly desires to be successful here on earth?

But then He says to me:

"Would you be satisfied with just me? What if I told you I will never give you what you desire.
I will bless your marriage that it will be a light to others.
I will make your children strong pillars of the faith and arrows to fill your quiver.
I will make you a man of faith and you will know me the desires of my heart and bring my sheep home.
I will impart upon you a wisdom that will confuse the wise and a heart of love for those whom I love.
I will ask you to go and you will go and I will ask because I know that you will listen ".
This is what I desire for you."

Get my eyes off of what I don't have an get focused on He who has is all. The real bread of life.

Unqualified To Drive\Live

Were you driving today? Try and think of your drive to work or wherever you were going and ask yourself how aware were you of your driv...