This post was written the day of my birthday. It was too depressing to post it that day so I decided to save it for a couple days. But as I desire to post my thoughts both good and bad so you can see the real me I am posting it now.What a day. There is something about my birthday that just makes me feel like I want to be recognized. Yes, today I turned the big 29 and next year at this time I will be 30 (I had better get working on that mid-life crisis). But something happens to me on my birthday that is just sick. All of a sudden I get this expectation that everybody is going to be wishing me happy birthday, buying me coffee and all that crap.
I am thinking that many of these expectations come from when I was a kid. My Mom did an awesome job of making me feel extra special on my birthday. And there is nothing wrong with that when you are a kid. Its just that it seems to have followed me into adulthood but the fact of the matter is is that nobody really cares anymore. I am adult and the fact of the matter is that I am getting older and closer to dying. Really, people should be feeling sorry for me.
On the surface you would never know anything is different, but deep down inside I had to keep from telling everybody I had contact with that it was my birthday.
"Hey Matt, how's it going? Nice tie, it's my birthday. Hey Jeff, good to see you buddy. It's my birthday, how are the wife and kids?"
I wanted all my co-workers to know, and I really don't know why. I guess what it really does is expose a need in me to be recognized and appreciated. I guess deep down I still want mans praise. But I only told two people the whole day.
So the day that was such a day to look forward to as a kid has now become generally one of the worst days of the year. It tends to be the day that everything goes wrong, my wife and I fight and I generally get depressed. Today was no different. And because I believe it will be a bad day I fulfill my own prophecy.
Obviously there is still much crap to be weeded out of my life. I wish I could go to be and sleep until it is over.
1 comment:
I think we were on the right track when we decided many years ago to NOT make big deals out of birthdays. We seem to keep letting the "world's system" into our lives over a few years, it's seems the values and ideas that we've agreed on get pushed aside to make room for selfishness and pride.
This is just a confirmation to me that to raise our kids this way will do them a diservice. It means way more to them to show them they are special everyday of the year, to give them "gifts" for no reason.....
I think to celebrate that they were born doesn't have to happen on their birthday. What about the other 364 days? ANyways, isn't it "an important day" according to antoine lavay?
Joe, you are special EVERYDAY of the year. On your birthday, doesn't mean that people love you more, or should appreciate you more. Some people do because maybe that's how they were raised, or whatever. But let's go back to the way things were. By this our kids won't grow up with those silly "expectations" They won't have to fight UP STREAM by us throwing "SELF CENTERED" focus at them, with presents that they don't need..etc.....
We are here to serve, not to be served. Those few years that we didn't do the stupid birthday thing, it was peaceful, no pressure, relaxed and we could love eachother freely.
What'da think?
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