7.5 Years (2752 days) Later

On whim I decided to check out my old blog. I honestly forgot how much I used it. Spanning four years I posted 155 times and some of those were in my darkest times.

I think I wanted to forget this blog, pretend like it didn't happen because much of it felt like I was going through the motions. I didn't get honest with myself until late 2008 so much of what I posted previous to then feels like a counterfeit me.


But really, that was life. I didn't know what it meant to live in freedom, life was just one bondage to another with spurts of freedom in between.

I had so many questions about myself and what it meant to be a man. I was very confused for a very long time. And I was trying to find God in that and me in God....but until I got honest how could I?

I rated my ability to be loved by God by how free I was from my sin, which never seemed very far.

But I was still seeking Him in the midst of it. And that makes me very proud of the old Joe.

"What does it mean to be a man?" that question haunted me for years. When my first son was born in 1997 and I HAD to be a responsible adult that question hit me like a freight train. I am so happy to say that question no longer haunts me and I don't measure my ability to be loved by God by the distance from my sin.

Hence the name change of this blog from "Healing the masculine soul" to "Jesus's Disciple". My focus was on healing my broken masculine, now it's time to concentrate on being more like Jesus. Welcome along on my new chapter in this blog.