Auto Pilot

Have you ever seen the movie "Click" with Adam Sandler? This movie was one that we expected little from, but enjoyed a lot. In the movie the main character gets a remote control that allows him to fast forward his life, or skip to other chapters. When he skips a chapter he is not actually conscious and goes into "auto pilot" where he is there, but not really there. He gets the stuff done that he needs to but life just takes him along and he is not really a part of it.
It is amazing how this example really sums up how I am feeling right now. I am just rushing along on the wings of life and yet somehow, it feels like life is passing me by.
Is this how I am coping with the grief of losing my son? A good part of me is hoping so and therefore I am doing little to stop it. But there is a part of me that tells me it is wrong and that I have got to snap out of it.
At first it felt good to have the busyness of getting the basement finished, as it helped me to get my mind off of Caleb and the hurt I was feeling, but now I am seeing it as an escape and a way not to deal with things.
Of course as Christmas approached work became busier and busier, then we ourselves got into the "routine" of rushing around to the different homes. And now that everything is over I find myself bitter.
I am angry that I only had a week after Caleb passed before having to go back to work . I am resentful that our contractor needed to be done our basement before Dec 15th, leaving a load of work for me and no time to grieve. I am frustrated how differently my wife and I are dealing with grieving and how we never seem to be able to see eye to eye. I am upset that it seems I have no time to deal with the loss of my son and that I feel so distant from God.
In many ways it feels like nobody cares about my grieving process, I am just expected to go back to normal life.
Well, sorry for pooping all over you, just venting.

Life Continues

As much as I wish I could crawl into a small hole somewhere and hibernate, life continues and things need to get done. After Caleb's passing all of my motivation for finishing our basement was gone, I didn't even want to look at it. But our contractor wanted to get it done before he shut down for Christmas vacation on the 15th of December.
So I was faced with one of two options, either wait until sometime in late January or February to continue, or get my grieving but in gear and get it done. Our baby is coming late February or March and I did not want to be doing insulation, drywall, paint ect with a new born in the house so we started work again.



Insulation and vapor barrier



Our bedroom all insulated



Ryan, my most faithful helper



Bedroom drywalled and mudded



The bathroom and bathtub Sarah has been longing to use



The box of screws I have accidentally dumped at least a dozen times

Since Friday I have had many friends and family help me, and many late nights. There is no way this ever could have gotten to this point without their help and I am so thankful. It really is overwhelming when people go out of their way to help you by rolling up their sleeves and getting their hands dirty.

Not Sure What To Say

Grieving is strange, it don't really understand it. The week after Caleb passed I was doing well, I was okay with what happened and generally happy that Caleb had been released from his broken body into his new heavenly body. Life carried on and I went back to work. Since then I have hurt more than ever. My grief is taking the form of anger inside me. I am not outright mad at anybody or even God, I am just mad. It doesn't seem fair that life should just go on, my son just died. Because I don't like anger I tend to just numb out and numbness is not good for me or anybody around me.
Today was one of the first days that I felt a little normal. I am embarking on a new project at work, my family is finally recovering from the sickness that swept through, and I see a need to commune with God which I have been generally avoiding for the last while. Please pray for us and we figure out what normal is and try and get back to a routine.

Funeral

Caleb went to be with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ yesterday morning at 6:30am. Even though his condition seemed stable, he was not improving and it would seem that he was just tired of fighting.
I am so thankful that he now has a new body, and for the first time he is able to talk and walk.
Caleb's life celebration will be Wednesday November 1, 2pm at Hope Fellowship Church. All are welcome.

Caleb

Caleb went into the hospital Monday which has really thrown us for a tizzy.
He has a really bad pneumonia in both his lungs and possibly in his blood.
We are going through a roller coaster of emotions as the doctors will tell
us that he might not make it, then they tell us that he may pull through.
The fact of the matter is that only God knows as this point.

Our breif moment of encouragement came yesterday in the form of Caleb opening his eyes and looking around for about 15 minutes or so. He got to see all of his family and extended family and made us all smile.

We are spending the majority of our time at the hospital and other kids are completely out a whack from the hospital visits and sleep overs at relatives and church family.

Last night as Caleb's blood\oxygen saturation levels continue to drop to an all time low, the doctors took us aside for the second time and told us to make sure to say our goodbye's to Caleb. We had intended to stay the night just in case he passed in the night, but by 10 o'clock, his levels were back up to normal.

Please pray for Caleb, the kids and us as we are struggling through this time. I hope to have some

Home Owners

As of 12pm, October 6th it is official.

Basement Renovations Update 2

A couple more pictures now that work has started


Baby's room


Our room before the windows


The bathroom




The windows installed and what used to be our beatiful front yard, now destroyed :(


The bedrooms with the new windows

Basement Renovations Update

Here are the "before" photos of what the basement looked like before any construction. The coffee colored walls are the ones that used to be our bedroom, which will be the new baby;s room. The room with the lumber is what will be our family room, the room with the exercise machine will be our bedroom. And last and least is the laundry room.

Pictures From PCCC

The are the pictures from the cheque presentation ceremony at Superstore. The van you see in the background is our new van. It was an incredible day and overwhelming in a lot of ways as we did not know what to expect.

When we pulled up there were approximatley 30 employees, as well as the store manager and district manager standing in front of the store ready to welcome us. You could tell that these employees really took ownership of the Children's Charity. They were very curious to see who would be receiving the fruit of their labors. It was a great day!

Do You Love Your Sin?

At first, you might say "love my sin? of course not", but you need to ask yourself
some questions that will help you determine this.

Do you protect your sin?

-Do you make sure that you are not discovered in your sin by hiding it, or
by lying to others (and ultimately yourself) about the severity of it?
-Do you make plans to sin, and rearrange your life to accommodate it?

Do you really view your sin as something that is hateful to God?

-Do you make excuses in your mind about how other people struggle with worse sin?
-Do you continue in your sin because you think that you can ask for forgiveness after you have had enjoyed your sin?
-Has your heart become hard towards your sin and you no longer fear the
consequences?

Do you blame circumstances or others for your sin?

-Do you tell yourself that if event "x" hadn't happened in your life that you
would no longer have these problems?
-Do you feel that if other people just kept you more accountable that you
might stop?
-Are you hoping that someone will come along and lead you out of your sin?

Are you waiting for something really bad to happen so that it will help you
stop?

We have to realize that we have a love\hate relationship with habitual sin. Most people that do not have Christ would not view our "struggle" as sin, and sometimes we use that to justify it. But with Christ in us, we have a new standard, a higher calling for purity.

Our God is a jealous God, and He wants none before him. All habitual sin is like an idol to our flesh, and a spit in the eye of God.

When the world sees the church struggling with habitual sin, divorce, adultery, ect. we are telling the world that we are the same as you, we have no life changing power inside of us, no power to overcome what we know is wrong.

God needs us to be pure so that we can hear and obey

You may need to read that again just so that it can sink in. Habitual sin covers our ears so that we can't hear that "one small voice" in our spirit when He is speaking to us. Be it a hurting wife, child or coworker. He wants us to be able to hear so that when he tells us that someone is hurting, we can go to him or her and be Jesus in the flesh. This is where the obedience comes in.

When I am free of my habitual sin, then I will be able to act upon what God speaks to me.
When I am in bondage the accuser has legal access to taunt me, and when God calls me to do something, all I can hear is how wretched I am because I am still struggling with this sin over me.

If you are struggling with some habitual sin, please do not read this and let condemnation come over you. My prayer is that you would hear that the God of the entire universe has the power to lead you out of your sin even more power to be His hands and feet in this world.

Name Game

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:
(your first pet and the street that you live on)
Baby Whelan

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favourite candy)
Ernie Twix

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)
J-Wil

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favourite colour, favourite animal)
Red Dog

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
William Saskatoon

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name)
Waljoro

7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("the", your favourite colour, favourite drink)
The Red Pepsi

8. NASCAR NAME: (the firstname of both your grandfathers)
Steve Ernie

9. FUTURISTIC NAME: (the name of your favourite perfume/cologne and the name of your favourite shoes)
Tommy Cat

10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother/father's middle name and the next name you hear on the tv/radio/talk)
Steve Caleb

Counting My Blessings

I am not really sure what God is up to, but all I can say is wow! I am in awe of everything my father is doing, and I am really starting to wonder what I have done to deserve this? The answer is so simple though, nothing! God never blesses because of what we have done, but because of who He is. Here is a list of what God has done since I closed my business almost exactly one year ago today.

• A close and loving, trust filled, romantic relationship with my wife
• Kids that are showing the fruit of the Holy Spirit alive in them
• A baby (another arrow for my quiver)
• Financial provision
• A new job (that I really enjoy)
• Confidence
• New neighbors (my brother and sister-in-law)
• A home for my family
• Hope
• A new nephew
• A new found enjoyment of home repairs
• A better relationship with my parents
• Provision for two new bedrooms, a bathroom and living room (basement renovations)

I am starting to feel like my life is a road map to God. Everything I have listed has a story behind it and I can show you how God's fingerprints were all over how these things. The most recent addition to the list happened today, we got a phone call from President's Choice Children's Charity and...........we got the funding for our van! Wow! And just to show off, the day we are to receive the funding is the same day we take possession of our house. Wow, praise God!
I am still in shock; I have never seen the hand of God like this in my life. And honestly it really makes me look at my life and ask what I have done for him?
It also reminds me of how I have put my earthly fathers face on my God. Growing up I always felt like my father didn't want good things for me. As such I have had a hard time when praying to ask for earthly things because I felt like He didn't care about anything that wasn't spiritual or about saving souls.

Thank God that He doesn't fit into our boxes!

Praise God!!

This is why I Blog, helps me not to forget where I came from. This post is dated July 2005, wow!

Quiz

Okay, I am giving into the peer pressure and doing one of these quizes. I actually thought it was quite fun when I did it on my sis-in-laws blog. Click here to see if you really know me.

Handy Man

Well, I have got to say I am starting to feel like a bonified handy man. It is really quite amazing what becoming a homeowner will do for a person. The offer has been accepted, the mortgage papers have been signed and I am feeling like a homeowner, weird.

I have rented ever since I moved out of my parents home. As a spoiled rich kid growing up I never really respected the homes I lived in as a kid or really appreciated what it took to maintain and upkeep a home. The same has applied for each of the four rentals we have since we were married.
In fact, it has only been since in these last couple months that I have realized the complete disrespect I have had for the rentals we have had, sad really.

In the four years we have lived in our current home I haven't done much to change the house. The first project would have been painting the girls room (a delicate purple) , which my wife had to prod me along to do. The second project was taping, mudding and painting two walls in our basement (which would eventually become our bedroom). Even those jobs were within the last year and a half.

Earlier this summer was when we first started to think that it might actually be possible to become homeowners. You have to understand where I came from to understand why this seemed like such an impossible dream.

Almost exactly one year ago I closed my business, which really was supposed to be my families future. Five years I worked away at it hoping that this was going to be the year things turned around and the money would start flowing. The only thing that I really accomplished was to get the business to a point that it could sustain itself, but that was only happened in the final two years. The first three years I racked up such a huge debt that that getting the business to sustain itself was really only one step forward when I had already traveled back a hundred. At the time, closing the doors looked like it would be the start of a many year journey just to get back to where I started.

When I look back on the whole thing now and see the huge blessings that God has brought us, it is easy to see all the signs that God kept showing me that it was time to close the doors. I now know it was my pride, laziness and my lack of courage that kept me in chains, when I thought I was in freedom.

In the last year God has brought prosperity to my family, and for the first time I see a bright financial future for my family. God has also given me a confidence that I have never had. A confidence that I am worth a decent wage as I have skills that are valuable to a employer, and a confidence that because of the way God wired me I can fix, build and create.

Earlier this summer we refinished our deck, a couple days ago I repaired and repainted a wall in our kitchen, yesterday I painted a bench for our kitchen. Today I installed a portable dishwasher into our kitchen cupboards, did the plumbing and everything. I never would have considered doing any of these things before becoming a homeowner.

Basement will start soon.

The Stingy Rich

A recent government study proves my point: those earning less than $10,000 give 5.5 percent of their income to charitable causes. Those earning over $500,000 give less than 3 percent.

I thought this to be very interesting, and very true. If I tithe 10% of a thousand, it is only $100. I don't think about it and it silently slips out of my bank account with little notice.

Change the numbers a bit and lets say God decides to bless with a heftier sum, maybe $6000. 10% of that is now $600 dollars. That only leaves me with $5400, and I find myself justifying out the wazoo why this money was not something that I need to tithe on.

That greed must look so ugly to God, as he usually blesses us with finances to bless others and I have trouble letting go only 10% of the whole.

Don't Download This Song!

http://www.dontdownloadthissong.com

Mortgage

Entymology:
1390, from O.Fr. morgage (13c.), mort gaige, lit. "dead pledge" (replaced in modern Fr. by hypothèque), from mort "dead" + gage "pledge;" so called because the deal dies either when the debt is paid or when payment fails.

Source: www.entymonline.com

I am writting from work right now, very excited as we just heard back from the Credit Union (yeah weird) and they are ready to process our mortgage with no co-signer and at a great interest rate with lots of flexability.

We will be going in to Saskhousing September 1st to send away the offer to purchase!!!!

Woohoo!

Updates

New Look

Blogger has just released their beta of their new Blogspot interface. Hence the new face to my blog. i highly recommend updating your blog as it gives you many more features and a much nicer interface. My blog now shows up properly in IE and Firefox.

Home Purchase

We had an appointment with the local Credit Union, this went okay but I was not really impressed with the quality of service. The loans officer we were dealing with was overly pessimistic and did not help us to feel that we had much of a chance of qualifying. Later it became apparent that she didn't really know what she was doing as far as working with the CAHP program.

Today I had an appointment with a mortgage broker, the same one my sister and brother-in-law used and it went much better. He was very positive and encouraging. We now need to wait a couple days to find out.

Our good friend Ron came over today to look over our basement again and to go over our plans. He is the one who is going to be doing the rennovations for us. We are going to cut two new windows into the foundation for the bedrooms as a part of fire regulations, but everything looks like it will work with the layout we have planned.

We will be beginning our rennovations October as long as everything keeps going as planned.

Moooola!!!

Gotta love the Government, there is a disability tax credit that we were supposed to be receiving for my oldest son since 2000. So we got surprised with a huge back pay on this months child tax, talk about timing, man God is good!

Job

There is an interesting little story behind it, but all of a sudden two weeks ago I go from being a commission salesman to computer tech. I was a little confused and frustrated with the process but when the hand of God moves, it moves. With the change in position I pick up one more shift which means 3 back to back 13 hour days but a substantial pay increase.

Baby

Sarah is finally out of the first trimester blues. Sickness is gone and she is more or less back to her normal self minus a some energy. Baby is 3 months along and the reality of having a family of 7 is finally starting to set in.

Brothers

I am really feeling out of touch with my brothers. I had coffee with CWG, Moose amd Jaydon last Thursday which was awesome. It felt so good to get together again and talk and laugh like we used to.
We have had some really interesting topics come up at our Wednesday morning breakfasts including pornography, Israel and finances.
I find my heart almost aching for some of my other brothers that I have literally lost contact with over the summer, I don't know where they are at but I sence some struggles. Need to get together soon!

The All-Pro Dad Playbook

1. Spend time with your children-Value their interests and their schedules.

2. Earn the right to be heard-Listen first. Listen for how they feel. Listen for what makes them smile.

3. Discipline with a gentle spirit-Be aware (know what happened). Be alarmed (admit it bothers you). Be accepting (solve the problem but save the person).

4. Be a role model-Display humility, integrity and patience.

5. Teach the lessons of life-You are their teacher, their mentor and their guide.

6. Eat together as a family-Eat a weekly family meal, have a monthly family celebration and take a yearly family outing.

7. Respect your children's mother-Respect her with words. Respect her with time. Respect her with agreement.

8. Read to your children-Read a book. Read from a magazine. Read from the Internet.

9. Show affection and appreciation-Show them their strengths. Show them unconditional love.

10. Realize a father's job is never done-Let them hear your voice, for life. Let them have access to you, for any need. Let them feel unconditional love, forever.

By Chad Bonham, contributing editor to New Man.

Home First

We are one step closer to owning our home. We were fortunate enough to find out about a program called "Home First". Rather than trying to explain it myself, I will give you the official description:

The homeownership option of the Centenary Affordable Housing Program (CAHP) is now being offered through HomeFirst, a Government of Saskatchewan initiative that offers programs to meet the current and future housing needs of Saskatchewan people.

CAHP-Homeownership, is a program funded by the federal government through Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation (CMHC), the Government of Saskatchewan through the Saskatchewan Housing Corporation (SHC), and the local municipal governments.

CAHP-Homeownership offers people a forgivable equity loan of up to $19,500 based on household income and unit price. If the loan recipient stays in the home for 10 years, the equity loan will be forgiven in full.

People are eligible for the program if they are a family with dependants, including single-parent households, and people with disabilities with a housing impact directly related to their disability. Housing may be single-family dwelling, semi-detached, duplex, condominium, apartment style or row housing. Applicants are required to participate in homeowner education. Included in the homeowner education package is information on money management, understanding credit, mortgage readiness, home-buying process and post-purchase home maintenance and repair.

Many of the houses that are for sale are on our street and it just so happens that our home is one that will be on the market if we move out. So we will be able to just go from renters, to owners in one smooth (hopefully) step. We love our home, and the opportunity to actually own it is just unbelieveable.

If we are going to stay here for the entire 10 years we will need to do some renovations. I have been using a simple cad program and planned out the basement. Currently our basement is completely open with our bed in one corner, TV area in the other, laundry area in the other and then the computer room in the other. It is nice and open but no privacy. Here are the future plans:

A: New baby's room

B: Master bedroom (with ensuit bathroom)

C: Bathroom

D: Laundry room and work area

E: TV\Computer area

F: Stairs down to basement

This Thursday we have an appointment for a mortgage application, after that we will make our offer on the house :) and rennovations to start as quickly as possible after that.

Peace, Propaganda & The Promised Land

Peace, Propaganda & the Promised Land provides a striking comparison of U.S. and international media coverage of the crisis in the Middle East, zeroing in on how structural distortions in U.S. coverage have reinforced false perceptions of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. This pivotal documentary exposes how the foreign policy interests of American political elites--oil, and a need to have a secure military base in the region, among others--work in combination with Israeli public relations strategies to exercise a powerful influence over how news from the region is reported. Through the voices of scholars, media critics, peace activists, religious figures, and Middle East experts, Peace, Propaganda & the Promised Land carefully analyzes and explains how--through the use of language, framing and context--the Israeli occupation of the West Bank and Gaza remains hidden in the news media, and Israeli colonization of the occupied terrorities appears to be a defensive move rather than an offensive one. The documentary also explores the ways that U.S. journalists, for reasons ranging from intimidation to a lack of thorough investigation, have become complicit in carrying out Israel's PR campaign. At its core, the documentary raises questions about the ethics and role of journalism, and the relationship between media and politics.

Ring Around The Rose....Me

Although I don't want to admit it I have built a ring around me that keeps me in me. Confused yet? It really isn't that complicated or maybe it is.

I remember some teaching I heard a while ago by a man I really respect. One of the things he spoke of is how we as Christians make our lives so complicated so we can justify not reaching out. Our lives have become a lot more complicated recently, pregnancy, job situation, funding requests, house purchasing, mortgage, renovations, the list goes on and on. And you know what? These are the same things that are continually on my mind. To the point that I just don't have any thought space for anything else.

Am I fulfilling my mandate to go out and make disciples? Am I serving my Church? Am I reaching out to those God has brought into my life? No!!! Who has time for any of that stuff? Do you know what I have on my plate?

Am I making my life complicated? Well no, not really, these are just the things God has given us to deal with. But the choices as to how I deal with them are mine. I think that is what is making me the most frustrated with these situations is that there are other people making these decisions for us. Will we get a grant for a van, can we buy our house, will we get a mortgage? Notice that I am completely powerless in all these situations? So why do I put it on my shoulders. Somehow I think I can think my way through, but really I have to lay them down.

I can remember how envious I one was of the farmers. I know, not many people envy farmers but I can remember thinking about how much faith a farmer must have compared to the rest of us. They put their crop in the ground and the rest is up to God. Is there going to be rain, frost maybe drought? They never know, but those situations are out of their control. That’s faith!

I told this to a friend once and he said how is your life any different? The only difference is the commodity. A farmer may but wheat in the ground hoping to reap a harvest; you may put extra effort into your job in hopes of reaping a promotion. Neither situation is more "holy" or "spiritual" than the other, only the illusion of control over the situation. It would be silly to think that a farmer could do anything to make his crop grow faster or better, he realizes he is not in control. He is still going to fertilize and spray for weeds, but those are just the things he needs to do.

The other side effect of thinking you have control over a situation is that you start to think you deserve it. I know my heart needs a check up immediately if I start thinking I deserve something.

Well I am glad I sat down to write about this, things are a lot clearer now, I would appreciate some prayer that I would be able to lay these things down. Thanks for reading.

MXC???

The Second Chance

WWII Historic Sites

WWII buffs will love these pictures I found on the "Day Of Defeat" website forum (Day Of Defeat is a WWII computer game mod based on the Half Life 2 graphics engine). There are many guys that play this game that are big time WWII fans, and one of them was able to tour Europe and see these incredible historic sights. One day I dream of doing this.

Bayeux, is a small town in Normandy, northwestern France. During the Second World War Bayeux was one of the first French towns to be liberated during the Battle of Normandy. There are many pictures of this colorful little town, and the many historic sites located there. Take a browse through these pictures here.

These next set of pictures are of the beach fronts in Normandy, where the allies mouted their invasion on D-day. All kinds of pictures of old bunkers, transports, museums and memorials. Very cool, check them out here.

These next pictures were the ones I thought were the best. These are the pictures of Eagle's Nest also known as the Kehlsteinhaus. Eagle's Nest is a level I have played in Battlefield 1942 many times, it is really neat to see the real thing. This mountaintop hideaway was a gift to Hitler from the Nazi party. Ironically due to his fear of heights and migraine head aches as a result of his service in WWI he only visited the site a handful of times. The pictures are here.

This last set of pictures you may find a little disturbing, I know I did. These pictures are of the Daucau concentraion camp, similar to the famous Auschwitz. Many pictures of the inside, memorials, gas chambers disguised as showers and ovens where the millions of bodies were disposed of. I feel it is important for us to remember these terrible acts so that we will never repeat them. These pictures are located here.

Innocence

Explain God: From the eyes of an 8 year old

"One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers."

"God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off."

"God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have."

"Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind, like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K."

"His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important."

"You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time."

"You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway."

"If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids."

"But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases.

And.that's why I believe in God."

Attributed to Danny Dutton of Chula Vista, CA, for his third grade homework assignment.

Thank You!

Wow, are we blessed! When our father God puts a rock in your path, he is faithful to help you find your way around it. And we are blessed because we will be able to handle the next rock that comes our way.

Not long ago we found out about a wheelchair van that could actually work for a family our size. Usually when you do a wheel chair conversion to a van you get rid of at least half the seating. Well Viewpoint Mobility has one that still has seating for four besides the wheelchair (that means we would still have room for one more :).Needless to say we were very excited, but those of you who have been following our financial situation know that we cannot afford a new van. So we applied with the Kinsmen Telemiracle Foundation for the cost of the conversion ($22,000.00). We managed to get our application in in time and last night they called to say we have been approved. Wow!

So now we have to raise another $23,000.00 as the cost of a converted van costs $45,000.00. We were advised that we should apply with President's Choice Children's Charity as they have helped families to purchase a van to a maximum of $20,000.00.

We will need to kick in the other $3000.00, not sure where that will come from, but if God can provide us with $42,000.00 I am sure he will figure it out.

Just the thought of this being a possibility has given Sarah and I new hope with Caleb and the future looks just a little brighter.

My Savior My God

Hey guys, I just found this incredible P & W album by Aaron Shust. I have been very blessed by his songs. You can list to this song and a couple others at his website www.aaronshust.com. This song peticularly got me and I have not been able to stop listening to it. Highly recommened!


Aaron Shust - My Savior My God

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Family Planning

Sarah and I have been forced to look into the issue of family planning, and decide how we are going to approach this issue. God has been preparing me for this issue and laying a foundation for the truth.
We have fallen into a societal lie that says two children is the ideal. When you look at scripture there is nothing to support this, and in fact everything in the Bible says just the opposite. This lie has permeated us like crazy. How many times when I tell somebody that I have four children do I hear "Wow, ever heard of birth control?".

So where does the lie begin? Well what is everybody’s main concern about lots of children, money! How will you be able to afford to raise all those children? When it comes right down to it it is no different than that newly-wed couple that wants to have their first child, but waits until they can afford it. Are you ever ready? Can you ever really afford children? Thankfully God has a way of slipping the puck past the goal post and they usually do end up pregnant.

My God is bigger than the god of money (Maman). This is just one more step in the faith walk God has put us on, will God provide. Look was Psalm 127 says:

Psalm 127

1 Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.

I want the Lord to build my house! I want the Lord to watch over my city!

2 In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to [a] those he loves.

His promise to me is that he will grant sleep (peace and rest) to those he loves, He loves those who put their trust in him!

3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. 5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Wow, I never noticed this before, but look at the last sentence in verse 5, "when they contend with their enemies in the gate". This is a position of offence, not defense. I am to raise an army that will storm the gates of the enemy!

The promises continue in Psalm 128:

Psalm 128

1 Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in his ways. 2 You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. 3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. 4 Thus is the man blessed who fears the LORD. 5 May the LORD bless you from Zion all the days of your life; may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem, 6 and may you live to see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel.
Thus sayeth the Lord!

All of this has made me look at my priorities and how I am spending my time and ask myself some hard questions.
I feel the spirit moving and I believe there is some breakthrough on the horizon. Peace!

Evolution Of Dance

Bryan Adams - Feels So Wrong

I always scrutinize lyrics as I listen to the radio. There are many songs you hear that you just know are wrong, because they don't hide it. Bryan Adams is one that I think many people gloss over. He sings these wonderful love ballads that make us feel all lovey dovey, or he takes us back to our youth and our wilder days. I was a big fan in my teens and because he is Canadian you cannot help but hear at least two or three of his songs on the radio each day (thank you CRTC).

The more intently you listen to his lyrics, and strain them through your moral filter you start to hear the real ugliness that he is preaching. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be married to Byran Adams, I am assuming he is married. But how could any woman trust a man who writes lyrics like in this song:

Run To You

She says her love for me could never die
But that'd change if she ever found out about you and I

Oh - but her love is cold
It wouldn't hurt her if she didn't know, cause...

When it gets too much
I need to feel your touch

I'm gonna run to you

Bryan sings a lot about is what is right and wrong. He does in most cases know that what he is doing is "wrong" which is a start I guess, but this knowledge does not sway him as he chooses what feels right (usually sex), even though he knows it is wrong.

Here are some of the more extreme examples of that:

Cloud No 9

"well it's a long way up and we won't come down tonight
well it may be wrong but baby it sure feels right"

Run to you

"I'm gonna run to you
Cause when the feelin's right I'm gonna run all night
I'm gonna run to you"

Cuts like a knife

"Yeah! It cuts like a knife
Oh, but it feels so right"

The Best Of Me

"I may not always know what's right
But i know I want you here tonight"

There will never be another tonight

"There will never be another tonight
I don't care if it's wrong or right"

My goodness man!!! Can you sing about anything else??? These are just a few more blatent examples, most of his songs are littered with these same themes.

Just like a painting expresses the true heart of the painter we can only assume that these lyrics reflect the true heart of Bryan Adams. If this is the case I would guess that he has never known what true love is outside of satisfying his own lust.

My point here is not to slam any particular individual, but to encourage you to hear the heart of the artist and what he/she is really preaching. Some other individuals I can think of that have these same subtleties in their lyrics are Sarah McLaughlin and Jan Arden.

I don't recommend secular music in general, but it seems pretty hard to avoid at times.

My Buddy

I have not had much time for any original thoughts as of late, but in my browsing of some of my old files I found the lyrics I typed out for a song I wanted to sing for my son on the day of his dedication. That was about four years ago, and of course I chickened out. But these lyrics mean so much. At least I can share it with you now.

To my buddy, Noah.

Halo - My Buddy

Pointing in endless directions, looking lost
as a pup
Reaching out for my hand, falling, then
getting up
Tugging on my trousers, crying for his way
My little boy is growing, he looked like me today
He looked like me today

CHORUS
My buddy sees me living, my buddy sees
me fall
My buddy is a mirror, hanging on the wall
My buddy sees me silent, my buddy
hears me talk
And my buddy will see Jesus, if in His life I
walk

Mocking all my motions, he learns how to
live
Walking in my footsteps, hearing advice I
give
Sometimes I sit and wonder, just where
with him I stand
A tear comes as I realize, his life is in my
hands
His life is in my hands

CHORUS

Now he’s growing older, as he kneels to
pray
He says “God bless all your children,”
and then I hear him say
He says “Jesus I love You, and for Your
love I’m glad
But there’s just one thing I want to be, is
just like my dad.”

CHORUS

Funny

Good Bye

Grandpa's funeral was this last Friday, I was the best funeral I have ever been to (as far as funerals' go). The theme of the funeral was "A Godly Heritage". My Uncle said it best when he said "if anybody didn't know the Lord before this funeral, they did by the time it was over". My Uncle, my Mom, myself and Noah all had the chance to tesify as to how our lives were changed because Grandpa brought Jesus to our family.

This is what Noah said:

Thank you for loving us and asking Jesus into your heart. I have Jesus in my heart because of you. You are so special to me. I love you. I am glad you will have lots of energy in heaven. And thank you for all the smarties.


The night before the funeral I was up untill 1AM trying to write what I wanted to say. Originally I was just going to read what I wrote in my "Tribute To A Goldy Man" blog, but something didn't feel right. I was constantly praying while trying to write my speech and honestly I was starting to get a little upset. When I finally gave up I had calmed down a bit, I stated by faith that God must have something else for me to say and went to bed.

The moment I layed down the following song came into my head:

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me;
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea.
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name.
We turned and saw a young man running
And he was smiling as he came.

And he said, "Friend you may not know me now."
And then he said, "But wait,
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight.
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start.
And one day when you said that prayer,
I asked Jesus in my heart."

Then another man stood before you
And said, "Remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry.
You didn't have much money,
But you gave it anyway.
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that's why I'm here today."

One by one they came
Far as the eye could see.
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity.
Little things that you had done,
Sacrifices made,
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven, now proclaimed.

And I know up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes.
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord.
He said, "My child, look around you.
Great is your reward."

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am a life that was changed.
Thank you for giving to the Lord.
I am so glad you gave.

This song called "Thank You" was written by Ray Boltz and seemed to sum up exactley what I wanted to say. So I read the lyrics. I made it up to the last verse that starts with "I know up in heaven you are not supposed to cry" and the tears started flowing.

I finished off my speech with the following:

This song really sums up what I wanted to say to pay tribute to one of the most special men in my life. I stand before you a rich man, as I have received and inheritance far greater than any material possession. My inheritance will not tarnish or fade, in fact it will last beyond the end of time.
My Grandpa forged a new path the day he gave his life to the Lord. By his decision he started a Godly heritage and gave the gift of eternal life through the saving grace of Jesus Christ to me and my children.

We had a lunch after the funeral and then just the immediate family went out to the gravesite. We sang "Great is thy faithfulness" and then lower his body into the ground. It could not have been more beautiful.

I hope that the day I pass from this world, that the things that were said of my Grandpa can be said about me. You know that really puts your life into perspective when you think about what would be said about you at your funeral if you died today. Would your memory be of someone who struggled through life or someone who lived every day for their Lord and savior.

Tribute To A Godly Man

I would like to pay homage where homage is due, to a Godly man and loving Grandfather. This is my Grandpa, Ernest.

Ernest or Ernie as he was known to most was born in 1913 in Osler, SK. He grew up in a very large family with 3 brothers and two sisters.

He didn't grow up in a very good home, his father was a cruel man who was in constant bondage to alcoholism.



<- Ernie at top left and family

You will never read about my Grandpa in any news paper or history book, his memory will fade from this world with little notice.

He raised my Mom and her two brothers.

<- Bonnie, Rodney & Gerry

He will never be noted for accomplishing anything great in the eyes of the world. He made a meager living as a painter and for many years he struggled just to get by.

There were many things he didn't do in life and his contributions to society may seem small but in my life he was a giant. In fact he gave me the greatest thing anybody could have given me, eternal life.

My Grandpa was a very quiet man, to say that he was a man of few words is an understatement. It is not what he said, but what he did that made the difference.

Ernie found Jesus through a traveling evangelist and a tent revival meeting that came to his town when he was a young man. He wasn't sure why he felt called to the meeting but he knew something was missing in his life. He found it easy to give up smoking and drinking and never touched either again after that point.

I don't think he could have realized what he started when he asked Jesus into his life, nor the impact that it would have. It was that day that he started a Godly heritage.

Ernie constantly read God's word and for most of his life woke up to read his "Daily Bread" devotional and pray for wisdom to guide his family. He raised three kids and led them in daily devotions and prayer and they too came to the saving knowledge of Christ.

Ernie's children eventually got married and had kids, and they too have joined the spiritual heritage, which includes myself and my sister and cousins. And here I am, a man who's life has been changed because my Grandpa was obedient and listened to the calling Jesus.

At a time when I was lost and doubting everything in my life I had my Grandpa as my solid rock. Again it wasn't what he said, he never sat down and had a heart-heart with me, it was what he modeled. It was then that I decided that I wanted to be like my Grandpa.

<- Grandpa & Noah

I know that my Grandpa is going to have a huge place in the kingdom of God by what he started. Generation after generation his God loving descendants will reap the benefits.

I never knew my Grandpa to ever be in good health, but particularly for the last couple years he has been hampered by constant medical problems. He said many times that he wishes God would just take him home. Well this last Friday his health took a turn for the worse and as I write this blog he is slowly dying in a hospital bed.





Grandpa, be at peace, your work here is done. Go, be with Jesus and rest, good and faithful servant. Thank you for saving my life, I love you.